Rule #2 Focus your flirting on her

Do not flirt with all of her friends too. Make her feel like the only girl in the world as well.  Otherwise you’ll turn dream girl off, and her friends will just think you’re a player. And when you try to ask her for her number, chances are you’ll get shot down.

Rule #3 Be Friendly

On the flip side, don’t ignore her friends altogether. Being able to talk to everyone at the table shows that you’re comfortable talking women platonically. This is doubly important if she’s only with one other friend. If it’s a group, it’s a different scenario, but if she’s only with one girl, she won’t want to ditch or ignore her. Women often follow the rule “chicks before dicks”. Make nice with her friends and you’ll come across as natural and sociable, rather than a predator.

Rule #4 Treat her like a lady

Once you’ve established a good rapport with the group, ask her if she would like a drink and make sure you pay for it. If she gets up to go to the ladies’ room, hold her chair or bar stool out for her when she comes back. Help her put her coat on if you guys go outside for a smoke. Old-fashioned chivalry can be rare and it will impress the women in spades. Soon enough, you’ll have them all singing your praises. No matter how egalitarian we become in the workplace, in society, in relationships, or anywhere else, women still want to be treated like a lady. Doing any or all of the above shows that you value her and, (after you buy that drink), that you’re anything but cheap.

Rule #5 Don’t let the group shake your confidence

Women can smell insecurity and desperation. Do not allow yourself to be intimidated just because the girl in question is super hot.  If you start acting nervous and jittery around her, her friends will start rolling their eyes and giggling, and you’ll be a goner before you’ve said five sentences. Nobody wants to see their friend with a “mangina”.

Rule #6 Don’t put on a show (of yourself)

Save the braggadocio for your bros. Her friends do not want to hear about your latest merger, your car, your house, and your latest vacation all night long unless you’re trying to pick up gold diggers. You’ll make yourself seem like an insecure, pathetic bore.  Obviously, you do want to talk a little bit about yourself, but not to the point of self-obsession. Everyone likes talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage. Since you’re trying to get her friends on your side, make a point of asking them and her about themselves. They’ll think you’re caring and sensitive. And perfect for their friend.

Rule # 7 Don’t Argue

You may have been on the debate team, but this is not the time to impress her friends with your oration skills. Being passionate is usually a good thing, but not when it makes other people feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or foolish. If a charged topic comes up in the conversation, put in your two cents but do it calmly and but respect what everyone else has to say. Everyone has the right to their opinions, so until you and dream girl have been dating for a while, keep from stirring the pot.

-Rachel Khona

Style is more than just how you dress—it also includes how you carry yourself. So, let’s talk about some good ways to make a good first impression (other than being on time).

When people are interested in each other, they tend to ask questions, be responsive, and hopefully share of themselves. Some other good signs are good eye contact, touching occasionally, laughing at each other’s jokes, putting themselves in your proximity, and in the case of women, play with their hair. Yes, I am simplifying things a bit–I could write several articles about body language and flirting (and may yet).

If you don’t have it, adopt comfortable (and open) body language (including good posture). This is something you work on over time. As an example, if you come off as nervous because you are fidgety and speak quickly, then you can work on calming your hands and speaking more slowly. If you come off as closed because you block yourself with crossed arms, scarves, turtlenecks, a drink, etc., then you can work on opening yourself up–your throat, chest, and groin should not be blocked by anything. Being seen as unapproachable is a problem that many women have, especially in cities like DC and New York City.

Always dress well, even if you are just going to 7-11 for two minutes. You never know where you will meet someone, and clothes that don’t fit (or flatter) you or are worn out are never appropriate. Gym clothes are appropriate when you are exercising. Women for some reason tend to have negative impressions of pleated Dockers and Hawaiian shirts on men (well, probably on anyone). I am fine with jeans as long as they are nice jeans and are not too fatigued; I like Express jeans (especially since they text coupons so are a good value), but if you have the funds for higher end jeans like Joe’s ($160 a pair), that works as well. Women notice details, including a nice belt, pair of shoes, etc. Yes, women DO look at your shoes (including the backs of the shoes for shine), so nice (and shined) shoes help. Men don’t usually look at women’s shoes, but for women, clothes or shoes that make you feel confident or sexy can help.

 If you dress average, then you seem average. Is that the impression you want to make? If you need it, get help! Most people have stylish friends they can ask about style advice, but various stylish clothes stores have knowledgeable employees—if they are pushing your limits a bit, that is alright. A good style website for men is Kino Wear, and they guy who runs it performs style consultations for men (in New York City). You can also find a variety of good websites that teach you how to match colors (often with the aid of a color wheel). Yes, we all know, black shoes and shown belts do not match, unless you have one of Jon Wye’s belts that contains both brown and Black. If you like pendants, try Creative Art & Soul.

-Cuisine

What is important is that you do your research, be prepared, and get an idea for the kinds of activities or foods your date would enjoy.

Check with some of your favorite restaurants and see if they have daily or happy hour specials. This area has enough going on that you can probably find very affordable burger nights, live music, wing nights, salsa dancing, trivia nights, karaoke nights, etc.  somewhere on nearly any night of the week.

You also want to research areas that have appropriate venues for dates. So, if you are taking someone on a date for drinks, look into places you can take her afterwards for dinner, dessert, or just to see the sights. I tend to focus on Gallery Place/Chinatown, Eastern Market, and Clarendon, but you can research areas that are convenient for you, keeping in mind that your dates may not live near you. When I’ve had to choose a Maryland neighborhood for dates, I’ve chosen Bethesda.

Part of doing research is finding out about the person with which you will be going on the date. Knowing her interests, what she likes to drink or eat, and where she either hangs out, lives, or works can be helpful when it comes to suggesting particular places. Even then, you are selling the experience and your knowledge. So, if after researching where the restaurant bargains are on a particular night, you can get across that you know a place for great tacos, sangria, beer, or coffee, she will be more interested in the venue because you are being more specific and have knowledge of the venue or menu item.  This may explain why many of my suggestions in the below list are Latin. J A great art opening, live band, or book signing can work just as well. Know your audience and the venue.

So how can you be prepared? If you’ve already researched several places to get drinks, coffee, and inexpensive food in several neighborhoods, you are prepared with other options if you suggest something that she isn’t interested in. Maybe she doesn’t like sangria or tacos. Or maybe you get to the venue and it is closed for a private party, out of business, or packed with people–have other options ready. Depending on where you both live and the date venue, you may need to think about transportation logistics.

Here are some examples of inexpensive date ideas:

1. The National Zoo, music shows at the Millennium Stage at the Kennedy Center, free outdoor movies (National Mall, Capital Riverfront, Crystal City, Rosslyn, etc.),  Smithsonian museums, and art openings at galleries are good arts and/or culture options that are free.

2. La Tasca in Chinatown has $3.75 glasses of a variety of sangrias and (specific) appetizers in the bar area during happy hour, 4-7pm daily. You want to get here early to get a bar table, so you may wind up waiting for your date. I get there at 5:15 pm, and read a book till my date shows up at 6:00 pm.

3. Zengo in Chinatown has a happy hour that is 7 days a week 5-8PM, and features $5 Latin-Asian Cocktails and $5 Small Plates.

4. Mate in Georgetown has Half Price Sushi, $6 martinis, margaritas, mojitos and glasses of wine, and $4 beer during their happy hour, Monday-Friday 5-7pm.

5. El Centro D.F on 14th Street NW has a year round rooftop happy hour 5-7 pm daily with $4 margaritas, Mexican beers, red & white wine. They also have a $2 taco night featuring chef’s choice of 3 special tacos all Tuesday evening in the Taqueria & Tequileria.

6 & 7. Either Teaism in Penn Quarter or Northside Social in Clarendon are good options to offer along with a bar option like La Tasca or Mate.

8. Eastern Market is a good option for a date on a weekend, when everything is open. Eastern Market works well because you can walk together looking at the stands (joking about the wilder merchandise), and take a break at a coffeehouse or get inexpensive food nearby.

9. Activity dates like hiking, playing pool, or bowling can also be good options, if you are both interested in the activity.

10. Book signings work as well, as long as the date in question is interested in the topic.  Some book signings are free, while other venues (such as Sixth & I) charge for their signings. The authors are often celebrities, making the experience even more memorable. Sixth & I sometimes gives you a discount on the book with the purchase of tickets to a signing.

Now get out there and plan some good inexpensive dates that both of you will enjoy!

·

Many of my female clients are what people would call “a great catch,” and their friends and coworkers are shocked that these women are still single. Often, a main issue these clients have is unrealistic expectations.

Some of the common deal breaker’s or standards I have come across in female clients include height (6 feet +), religion (type and observance level), race (must be white, not be white, not have an Asian fetish, have dated Asians before, etc), sense of humor, income (six figures +), divorce (must not have been, have been), kids/pets (must have them, not have them, want them, be tolerant of them), and profession (must have a certain type of job, be ambitious, have time for a relationship).

How do statistics work? If you are a woman and you walk into a room of 50 American men, only 6 of them will be at least over 6 feet tall (statistic from Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink).  Add any other deal breaker other than really basic ones, and chances are there is nobody left in your dating pool.  There are actually far less American men making at least a 6-figure salary than those who are 6 feet or taller. The combination of things you are looking for should not eliminate your entire dating pool.

Shouldn’t people have deal breakers and standards? Absolutely! You need to screen out inappropriate matches, and screen in appropriate ones. Religion, whether someone wants kids, and where they want to live are examples of completely legitimate deal breakers.

Yes, you should be attracted to potential mates, but this works differently for men and women. Men generally know instantly (visually) who they are attracted to, while a large part of what makes a man attractive to a woman is how he makes her feel. So, give people a chance—as long as the person in question is within the range of possibility, put aside stereotypes you might have based on their appearance and have a conversation with them to see if there is chemistry.

I have more detailed exercises I do with clients in person, but for now I want you to think about the following things: (1) What are the top 5 qualities I need in a mate, and in what ranked order. (2) Does the list look realistic, with men existing in sufficient quantity for you to be able to find them? (3) Think about how you would screen (ask questions, tell stories that highlight characteristics and pay attention to his response, tell him what you want, etc) for whatever qualities are on your list. Keep in mind that the trap/pattern that a lot of people fall into is going after qualities they want instead of qualities they truly need, so prioritize needs before wants. Make sure the qualities on your list are not duplicated (such as 2 ways of saying honest) or conflicting.

If you are serious about men who have a particular quality, think about where you can find them. So, if it is really important to you that your man is extremely athletic (such as a runner), you would go to the specific events/venues (marathons, runner’s meet ups, specific gyms), dating events (speeddating for fit professionals) and websites (including themed community or dating websites) that they would frequent. It helps to meet as wide a variety of people that could potentially have the qualities you are looking for as possible, since you never know exactly who you will connect with.

So, go out there, meet some new people, try some new things, and have fun!

-Cuisine

BTW, I wrote this article for my monthly DC Life Magazine column for February, but the magazine is late in posting it to the website. I believe it is already in the app version of the magazine.

*** SOCIAL NETWORK 4 PROGRESS *** “Find Your Michelle” Men’s Dating Workshop
7:00pm-9:00pm Monday, March 5th
Madhatter – Upside Down Room 1319 Connecticut Ave, Washington, DC @ Dupont Circle or Farragut Metros

Are you single? Are you tired of the hit or miss aspect of bars and dating sites?  Do you want to learn secrets that will lead to better dates and the possibility of connecting with the person of your dreams so you end up with your own Michelle?

Come and join a group of men for an evening of fun and candid conversation about dating in DC.
This social and dating talk is designed for men who are ready to find a more compatible partner.  Whether you are ready for long term relationship or just want to meet the kind of mate that can make your life more exciting and fulfilling, our experts will give you clear and specific directions on how to improve your success at dating.

Our coaches are giving us a discounted session that usually costs much more with other area social groups and much less than their one-on-one trainings….so take advantage of it!

You will learn:

· How to use body language secrets to  read female “attraction signals” and approachability

· How to begin a conversation with the woman of your choice

· How to improve your body language so that your confidence shows.
· How to use “The Google Principle” in dating

· How to get your personality across in a way that si attractive to women

SPEAKERS:

Jason is a Dating Coach who teaches how to start and improve conversations and make positive impressions on people.  He also specializes in improving your body language and teaching you how to read other people’s body language and level of interest.
Oscar is a Master Hypnotist who helps both men and women clear out their past failures and create a more exciting and fun life.  His focus is on helping you to live the life of your dreams now.  His clients love the way Oscar uses NLP, Hypnosis and other energy based modalities to propel them forward.

-Cuisine

Pic courtesy of DivineCaroline.dot com

Here is a field report by our Assitant Coach, Absolute. Yes insta-dates are a great way to build get a girl comfortable with you (and complying/following you) early on. You can even bouce girls between venues on an actual date for a similar effect…something that works well for internet dates or beginning dates.

-Cuisine

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If you have the time to go on an instant date you should definitely push for it. It’s a great way to advance things faster and build a solid connection. The more time a girl invests in you (especially on a busy weekday), the more likely she is to see you again.

I had an interesting experience today taking a girl for a quick coffee after about a 5 min. conversation. My day is usually pretty busy andfilled up with activities, so in the short hour I have for sarging, I usually choose to quickly get the digits and set up dates later. Today, however, I got the opportunity to take a girl on an instant date and want to share my experience and talk about the benefits of instant dates.

I was walking out of a store when I saw a cute Hispanic girl on my left, about 15 ft. away, coming my way. I looked at her, she looked back, and immediately gave me IOIs by tossing her hair and not breaking eye contact (signs Cuisine made me extra aware of which I now detect instantly). The strong IOIs simply took the “cold” out of the cold approach, and I knew she’d be receptive to me. As the distance between us was shortening and she keptplaying with her hair, I smiled and created a situational opener about her hair.

While still talking, I stopped, then she followed, turned her body all the way towards me and I started running attraction on her, teasing and bantering. She was receptive, but as I was pumping her state up, she kept (consciously or subconsciously) knocking herself out of state, so I knew I should keep persisting until she relaxes.

Couple of minutes into the conversation I decided to setup a date right there and then for another day, so I suggested a day and time. I could see she was interested, but she was reluctant to give me an answer and pushed away; she needed more game for a date. At this point I could’vejust taken the number and get going saying we could schedule the date later onthe phone, which would have been a mistake. Despite her possible objections to giving out her number, I would’ve probably ended up with it, but that would’ve only complicated my job as I had to build the connection and set up the date over the phone. The best thing is to build connection as soon as possible, in person. She will beless likely to flake later. I felt she wanted to keep flirting, so I decided to see how far I can push this thing.

I needed a change of tactics, so I asked if she was going this way (I knew she was), and offered to walk together till I get to the store I was going to (at this point I am still not thinking about an instant date). I told her to get on my right side and with a cheeky smile on my face, I had her lonk arms with me. After we walked like that for a while, she pulled away again, giving me another standard shit test saying something like – “I don’t know you,I just met you”, to which I just told her that it’s her lucky day, but shes hould keep calm cause we are in public and I don’t want her to embarrass me.

We got in front of the coffee shop and after talking foranother 2-3 minutes, her phone rang, she took it out, looked at it and I used the opportunity to take out mine, telling her while she got her phone out we should exchange info. Here she gave me the next shit test, saying she usually doesn’t give her phone number to strangers. After going back and forth for aminute, I told her it’d be fine and we can text (works 9/10 times – - thanks Cuisine), and she finally gave me her number.

At this point, we are about to part when I decide to push even further, and since we are standing next to a coffee shop, I ask her to join me for a quick coffee. I make sure I tell her I only have 15 minutes, but she should come along to continue the conversation we are having. After another minute of overcoming objections, she finally agrees to come with me and we start walking towards to coffee shop. We ended up having agood 45 minute conversation.

So, instant dates are a lot of fun, good adventure, and if your schedule permits you should always push for them. All women will give shit tests (especially if you are doing well)… I prefer to deal with them as early as possible and get them out of the way, so I can progress things further quickly. The main advantage of  instant dates is that you deal with these obstacles early on, don’t waste time,and have her get used to you faster which speeds up the seduction. Don’t get satisfied with numbers. Get girls immediately ondates, or if you can’t, then  schedule dates right there and then. Be as direct as possible in your intent, take action, and don’t waste precious time. Pushing for instantdates will make your game tighter. You should always PUSH for more.

Daygamer.net’s Assistant Coach — Absolute

Edit: 1/20: Price goes up from $200 to $300 at midnight tonight (1/21)!

-Cuisine

————————–

I was a speaker and infield daygame coach at this conference last year.  Here it is again!

The Global Pickup Conference (Kings of Pickup), Washington DC (Georgetown) During The Weekend Of March 23th – 25th, 2012

INCLUDED WITH ADMISSION

• 2 Days Of In Class Training
• 1 Full Day Infield Training
• 100 Page Routine Manual (Worth Over $100)
• VIP Forum Access
• VIP Video Vault Access Over 10 Hours of Video Infield & Training Footage (Worth Over $300)
• Free Podcast Subscription
• FREE DC Guide
• FREE Raffle Ticket We will be raffling off FREE Products & Training Throughout the conference.
• Discounts on Hotels & Food
• And Much More…

Speakers:

Speer

Vince Kelvin

Brad P.

Ross Jeffries

David Wygant

Erika Awakening

And More…

Buy tickets here. It is currently only $299, but the price jumps to $399 soon–buy now.

-Cuisine

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DHS to attend online dating conference in Miami Beach

The Department of Homeland Security is set to participate in a discussion panel at an online dating industry conference in Miami in the coming days.

Tom Millar, chief of communications for the Department of Homeland Security’s United States Computer Emergency Readiness Team (US-CERT) is slated to discuss deceptive dating tactics in a January 24 panel at the iDate SuperConference event, said a statement from Ticondergoa Ventures, Inc., the sponsor of the conference. The event takes place on January 23-30, 2012 in Miami Beach.

Millar’s session is designed, said Ticonderoga Ventures, to help dating operators prevent fraud within their respective sites.

The appearance isn’t as unusual as it may seem. DHS and the CERT have been aggressively promoting online safety and security in the last few months through the agency’s “Stop. Think. Connect” campaign. On Jan. 10, DHS’ Web blog posted a series of tips on how the public and DHS employees can remain secure online.  According to Ticonderoga, Millar’s Miami appearance is part of DHS outreach program called “Cyber Week” in the city.

Online dating service providers will get their money’s worth from Millar on Cyber security. He joined US-CERT in 2007 and helped develop the organization’s response to the Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks on Estonia in 2007, the outbreak of the Conficker worm and the DDoS attacks on major US government and commercial websites in 2009. He is currently US-CERT’s chief of communications.

The Department of Homeland Security is in the Miami area from January 23-26, 2012 for the “Stop.Think.Connect.” campaign’s Miami Cyber Week Outreach Program, said Ticonderoga. Cyber Week will directly engage the greater Miami community in promoting awareness and dialogue about the dangers Americans face online, it said. Cyber Week is part of the larger DHS cyber mission to arm citizens with the resources and tools needed to protect themselves, their families, their communities, and the nation against growing cyber threats, it said.

Edit: DC Life is a bit behind with the January issue. I’ll post a link when the issue is out.

-Cuisine

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Clients often ask me how to meet women at the gym, since it is a place where they spend a lot of time.  Plus, generally they share common interests (fitness and living a healthy lifestyle) with other people at the gym. So, how do you meet women at the gym? The gym is a social environment, a place where people spend a lot of time and often know the staff and other people who are there working out.  Below are my tips for meeting women at the gym:

Choose your gym carefully. You want a gym that meets your needs and interests. This could mean joining a gym with pools, running tracks, saunas, basketball courts, specific classes (see below), rock climbing walls, etc. The happier you are with your overall gym experience, the more successful you will be meeting people there. And, you could have fitness preferences and conversation topics in common with a potential match–you both like to swim, run, rock climb, or practice yoga.  Tour the gym to see if it has the equipment and facilities you need, and see if the type of women you are interested in work out there.

Dress well. In a gym, I wear cool t-shirts (as far as design, logo, or message), but that isn’t the only way to go. You want to show that you have style. Don’t wear worn out or ratty sneakers or clothes.  I have seen people wearing clothes with stained armpits or holes and that is not the way to go.

Get to know the staff.  If you want personal training to jump start your workout, consider scheduling time with a trainer. Many gyms give free sessions with trainers to get you to join; some even offer discounted memberships and/or sessions with trainers through daily deal websites like LivingSocial.com. Personal training sessions put you in more of a direct client-trainer relationship with the staff member, making him or her more interested in helping you in general. These trainers might even introduce you to people, or give you intel without you even asking.   Be friendly with all the employees you encounter (trainers/instructors, assistants, front desk, etc.); it will be helpful when women see you getting along well with the staff, especially (but not exclusively) female staff.

Talk to women you are interested in. You do not have to start a conversation based on working out. Do not start conversations with “excuse me” (because you are then assuming that you are interrupting them) but simply start the conversation with a situational topic or general theme. My gym conversations tend to be about music (what is playing, if I can change the music, what I’m listening to on headphones, what the other person is listening to on headphones), TV (what is on it, if I can change it, similar shows to what is on the TV, new shows), or food (because I’m into food), but you could just as easily talk about movies (probably not horror), hiking, adventure sports, or a variety of other subjects. You are leading the conversation, but if a subject consistently doesn’t work, try new ones.  Humor works as well as long as it comes off as natural and not forced or nervous. Some more specific info about talking to people at the gym:

Talk to women in different areas of the gym to see what works for you. I have had success talking to women who are on the next treadmill, as well as women on weight machines near me, with the former being longer conversations with people who often would rather talk to you than be bored on a treadmill, and the latter being shorter conversations that you drop and pick up again as you move around the gym.  You can also talk to them again another day. I’ll pretty much talk to someone anywhere (except areas that are for women only), with the understanding that some of the conversations will be longer than others.

Pay attention to how responsive she is. If she is really into her workout, she may not be responsive to conversation, but may actually be more open talk at other times, such as the beginning or end of her workout, during a break between different types of exercises, or on another day.

Attend classes. Gyms have a variety of coed classes, which can be a good way to meet people. Check out a variety of classes (yoga, jujitsu, strength/flexibility, body pump, etc.) and see what works for you, both for your workout and meeting people. I know a lot of women go to Zumba and Pilates classes, but I’ve never attended those particular classes. Show up to the classes early so that you can chit-chat with others while waiting for the class to begin.

Have a plan. Think about possible dates or activities that you can do with her if she is responsive. Knowing where good nearby cafes, bars, and restaurants are can be useful. You can also take her to events or plan activities such as hiking.

Get to know other gym-goers. Be friendly and talk to people even if you aren’t interested in a date with them. You don’t want to talk people to death (especially if they are not responsive), but be friendly. Keeping a relatively stable workout schedule will help you see and talk to the same people, but you can also run out of new people to meet that way (unless it is a large gym).  I go to the gym very often and without a set schedule, which allows me to meet a larger variety of people.

I hope this column improves your success and comfort level meeting potential dates at the gym. The more you practice being social (regardless of environment), the easier meeting people becomes.

-Cuisine