These May dates are a reschedule from March–the GPC webpage needs to be updated with the new dates.

-Cuisine

1. Put yourself in rooms and places where men can easily find you (online and offline). 

2. Say what you think and do what you feel  (but keep it clean).

3. Make eye contact and let a man catch you (but try not to stare, that can be creepy.

4. Ask friends, family, and coworkers to set you up with specific men who interest you.

5. Say “Hi,” ask  questions, and suggest getting together in the future (but let him ask you on a date).

They can be found on Harlan’s blog as well, http://ning.it/VM6xMe.

-Cuisine

This link shows their findings and methodology. It’s funny, but they chose the categories in such a way that there findings are not wrong. They certainly are not showing the big picture, but, yes, there ARE more women than men here.

But, 12-inch Pizza Hut pizza and 6-pack of Heineken as the metric for a cheap date? Again, it isn’t wrong. Funny, but not wrong.

-Cuisine

Pic courtesy of videobash.com.

I have never been a fan of what I call the “Green Peace” opener.

This has probably happened to you: someone approaches you in the street  and says “Excuse me, do you have time for the environment?” before trying to solicit donations from you that you have no intention of providing. It’s annoying and an interruption, and most of the time, people have (by Greenpeace) been conditioned to just walk away when they  hear the words “excuse me.”I’ve seen many students and coaches (of pickup up) do this same thing, saying “Excuse me” when opening women. It puts you in the target’s mind into the frame of being an interruption, which is not good.

Instead, it is better to open to them like a friend would with the word “hey.” “Hey, that blue is amazing on you. What shade is it, aqua? Cmon, you can tell me, you were a Crayola kid. Had the 128 box with the sharpener?” (This example is one of my personal openers, crayola kid.)

Green Peace has in recent years figured this out too, and now opens differently and opens differently now. Recently I hear them say “I know YOU have time for the environment.”

I am expecially nto a fan of someone opening with “excuse me” and then going direct, since it makes the opener less direct. An exmaple is “Excuse me, I saw you and HAD to meet you.” If you are going to go direct, then go direct! “Hey, I say you and HAD to meet you.”

-Cuisine

It is difficult toknow whether there will be chemistry on an Internet date. If I meet a woman who I am only want to be friends with, how can I friend zone her?

-S

This is a great question, and one I don’t often hear. Women and men do ask how to avoid the friendzone, and women ask how to put men in the zone, but men don’t usually ask about putting women in the zone.

Men generally know pretty quickly if they are not attractedto a woman. Whether you’ve met her on or offline, you just are not feeling it,but you’d like to hangout with her as friends in the future (without leadingher on). What do you do? Friendzone her. But, you want to do it in a cool way.

Friendzoning A Woman:

• In a social circle situation, you may HAVE to friendzone a woman and do it in a cool way so that she does not interfere with you pursuing other women in     the circle. Reading books on flirting/body language (such as Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox) should be helpful, so that you realize early on if a woman is into you; this way you know there is an issue and can friendzone her before she gets too into you.
• If it is a date, you obviously still do not want lead her on– act like her buddy. Get the meeting off of a “on a date” vibe to a “friends hanging out” vibe. Tell     her “I’m glad we met up. I’m always looking for cool new friends.”
• Tell her that you might have friends who she’d like. By offering to set her up with friends (or even to bring her out with a group of your friends to see if she has chemistry with anyone), you are taking the focus off the possibility of the two of you actually dating.
• Stick to your guns. If you try and friendzone her, she may try to talk you out of it or even sexually escalate you, but if you aren’t interested, it is better to just move on than to “settle.”

I’m going to add a few suggestions of my own, coed ideas that are less “designy.”  For me, being prepared has always helped me set up a good experience or save the night when something unexpected happens.  Ways to be prepared:

1)     Have ingredients and recipes (that you have tried) on hand so that you can whip up breakfast, lunch or dinner on a moment’s notice.  If you know someone is coming over for a meal, then you can plan better what you will be cooking, but if he or she just happened to come over after the movie (or wherever the date happens to be), it will be more on the fly.  It isn’t difficult to learn how to make a few good dishes. And, yes Elizabeth, it is good to have fruit on hand.

2)     Have specialty food items on hand. If you have gourmet or interestingly flavored items (chocolate, potato chips, ginger ale, cookies, iced tea, etc.), it can certainly add to the experience.  Many people are always looking to try new things, and it also shows that you either are adventurous or have good taste.  These items don’t have to be expensive—I often find interesting specialty food items at World Market, Trader Joe’s, or on sale at Whole Foods.

3)     Have ingredients and recipes handy to make good cocktails. Have some good or interesting wine and beer around as well.  I’ve gotten good beer suggestions from Arrowine in Arlington and the Beer Manager at Whole Foods Arlington, and any decent wine store can make good suggestions as well.

4)     Your local pharmacy is your friend. If your date needs Advil, Imodium AD, a toothbrush, etc., it would be helpful to have them handy before the date is ruined.  Just be prepared for the worst, and while you are at it, always have a first aid kit and fire extinguisher handy as well–I’ve had use for both on dates.  I’m assuming I don’t have to tell you to have condoms and such on hand.

5)     Have a good selection of DVDs as well.  You can invite him or her over to watch movies or can have an impromptu movie night.

-Cuisine

Here are Elizabeth’s separate lists of suggestions for men and women:

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Guy to Make His Space Girl Friendly

1)     Eliminate futons from your home. We know it’s tempting, because they’re convenient and inexpensive, but resist the urge to futon it up, because futons scream man cave. You don’t need to spend a fortune to get a sofa and/or bed, and you don’t need to buy anything super “designy.” If you don’t want to pay full price, buy off of Craig’s List. Your date will appreciate the effort, because sofas and beds are always more welcoming to a woman than a series of nondescript futons.

2)     Get rid of semi-broken and battered furniture. We know you love your arm chair, despite (or perhaps because of) the big rips in the upholstery, and the way it creaks when you crank out the foot rest, but your girlfriend will feel more comfortable if your furniture is in decent condition. It’s good to have lived in, comfortable furniture, but know the difference between broken in and just plain broken.

3)     Don’t let your entertainment center be the most eye catching decoration in your home. There’s nothing wrong with having a big, state-of-the art entertainment center, but add a few pictures or paintings on the walls. Which brings us to number 4:

4)     Blank walls are not welcoming. You don’t want to plaster your walls with images, but spend some time choosing paintings or pictures that represent you. Love soccer? Find a picture of your favorite soccer team. Close to your nieces and nephews? Put up a family montage. And remember to frame and hang everything. Posters tacked to the walls are the province of teenaged set.

5)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your place, add paint colors to the walls to break up the typical monotony of white/beige walls everywhere. You don’t need to paint every wall or every room. Decide what works for you. Color adds visual interest, and it will give your home a more individual feel.

6)     Stock your fridge with items other than beer. If you happen to enjoy beer, definitely keep some on hand, but put some other necessities in the fridge, like milk, eggs, fruit and yogurt, and keep some cereal in the pantry. You want to be able to offer your girlfriend breakfast in the morning. Which brings us to number 7:

7)     Get a decent set of matching dishes. Your girlfriend will appreciate it if the cereal bowls and the plates go together.

8)     Keep a few bottles of wine around even if you don’t drink it. Lots of women might enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or after, and they’ll feel more like they belong in your space if you have a bottle on hand. Make sure to stock a few wine glasses, too, so she isn’t stuck drinking wine out of a regular glass. Extra points if you buy a wine rack to hold your bottles.

9)     Get a set of book shelves for your books. I’ve seen a lot of guys just stack up their books in the corner, which creates clutter in their space, particularly when you have a lot of books, and the piles are starting to tip over.

10)    Get matching bed sheets to give your bedroom a more finished feel. Unmatched sheets are distracting, and a put together set will allow your girlfriend to focus on you, rather than the bedding.

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Woman to Make Her Space Guy Friendly

1)     Balance girly touches with neutral colors and clean lines. If you put fluffy cushions on the couch, the couch itself should have smooth lines. If the cushions happen to be pink, go for an off white sofa.

2)     For a more dramatic contrast, go with a black sofa/living room chair set, which will make your girly cushions pop.

3)     In the bedroom, silky sheets in a light color are fantastic and add a feminine touch. A ruffled pink bedspread, not so much. You want your space to feel womanly but you also don’t want your guy to think he’s in “girl world”. Feminine highlights should be just that-highlights.

4)     If you’re naturally less girly, don’t be afraid to show it. There’s no law that says you need pastel or pink/purple highlights. On the other hand, a full on man cave look is not the best approach either. Pick a look that suits you and emphasizes your version of femininity.

5)     My favorite romantic bedroom touch: Hang a mosquito net over your bed and spread it out to surround the entire bed. Or staple colorful wall hangings to the ceiling over your bed to create an exotic feel. It makes your bedroom feel welcoming and feminine but not overwhelmingly so.

6)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your space, add color to the walls. Pick shades that you feel represent you to give your home an individual feel. Balance brightly colored walls with warm beiges or cool whites, depending on the shades you choose.

7)     Keep some beer in your fridge. Maybe you drink it, too, but even if you don’t, lots of guys do, so it’s best to be prepared.

8)     Buy a few beer steins so if your date does drink beer, he isn’t stuck drinking it out of a wine glass. Extra points if you keep a cool bottle opener on hand.

9)     Keep a few modern vases around your space so you’ll be prepared in case a date gives you flowers. There is nothing more awkward than getting flowers on a date and having to lay them on the table due to a lack of vases. Alternatively, buy flowers for yourself and have fun showing them off in your vases.

10)    Add some pictures and paintings to your walls that represent who you are. Have a favorite football team? Love dance? Put up pictures and paintings that show your world.

Elizabeth’s Bio: Elizabeth Rosendorf, president and owner of e.rose designs, draws on a wealth of experience to provide personal styling, interior design, graphic design, and architectural 3D modeling solutions. She holds a Masters of Interior Design from the Corcoran College of Art + Design, and she has built on her interiors base to develop expertise in graphics, fashion, and 3D modeling. Her philosophy is that the desired design and style exist within the client, and it is her goal to draw this design out and articulate it through her work. Rather than simply placing a solution on her client, she seeks to find the solution within the customer, and then give it form. Her design sensibilities are informed by her upbringing in Washington, DC and by her time spent studying and working in France and Germany, and traveling through Europe. She is devoted to promoting sustainability, and is a Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design Accredited Professional (LEED AP).

-Cuisine

1) Cuisine: How does your coaching style differ from other dating coaches?

Rather than giving quick tips and fixes, I work with people over time to create a long lasting transformation. My focus is two fold: I focus on eliminating limiting beliefs that are stopping people from living they life they want AND instilling positive beliefs that help them take action to create the social/dating/relationship goals they desire.

2) Cuisine: How would you define flirting?

Stepping out on a limb and being vulnerable for a moment. Being light and playful while grounded in sincerity. Flirting is a perpetual improvisation of boy meets girl. 

3) Cuisine: How is flirting different for men than it is for women?

Once one gets into “the flirt” it takes on an improvisational element. The boy is often the initiator of the flirt. But as with any great improvisation the secret is to say yes. It’s the women’s job to say yes.

4) Cuisine: How do you help your clients become more confident and competent at flirting?

I teach people that being social and connecting to others is not only something you practice and rehearse, but it is an actual “practice,” much like yoga, meditation, or playing a musical instrument. It’s a way of being. Not only an external practice such as learning to be absurd, silly, and playful with others… literally practicing being fun. You also have an internal practice of validating yourself (patting yourself on the back) after each interaction no matter what the immediate outcome. The whole secret is to detach from the outcome, and learn to simply love the process

5) Cuisine: Are there certain mindsets (other than confidence) that help you try to instill in clients to make them better flirts? What are they?

He doesn’t need a mindset at all. He needs to get into the present moment, a playful state, a timeless state. That’s what happens when people flirt, they actually leave the confines of their minds. They stop worrying about the future and dwelling on the past. They feel light and easy in that moment, and this makes them want to be around the other person more.

6) Cuisine: What are some verbal signals men can send to women to show they are interested?What are some verbal signals women can send to men to show they are interested?

Verbal signals: at one point in every conversation we must be clear and direct in order to further the relationship beyond this moment.  The way to do that is through validation.  Simply state what it is you like about the person.  It can start as an external thing like “I like you’re style or even simpler I like something specific your wearing ( hat, shoes, bracelet, etc.) and move into more personality based compliments as simple as “you’re cool” or “you’re fun” or even deeper compliments about someone nature or essence.  The more specific, the better.  When delivered in the moment and in person with true sincerity it almost always lands.   The short answer is just tell people what you think is nice about them and don’t expect anything in return. 

7) Cuisine: What are some physical/body language signals men can send to women to show they are interested? What are some physical/body signals women can send to men to show they are interested?

For men:

It’s important not to be to imposing when first approaching women.  Always give them space to participate in the interaction on their own terms .  At the same time be relaxed in front of her.  If she’s seated sit down and be on her level.  It will make everyone more comfortable. 

For women:

Direct eye contact and smiling will let a man feel its safe to approach.  Also, relaxing around him and not giving signals like she is going to walk away or she’s in a hurry.  Most men will read the slightest signal that she wants to leave as such and exit the interaction.  Touching him when either a joke or compliment is exchanged is also effective at building rapport.  Also, I think the most important thing one can do is to hug during or at the end of each interaction.  It validates the experience and begins the physical relationship.

8) Cuisine: How can one become a more social person?

Look at being social not as a means to an end, but rather as an end unto itself. Stop looking for results and start enjoying the process, the joy of getting to know other people. Treat people as an end unto themselves, not as a means to an end. Treat the moment that you’re SHARING with them as an end unto itself, and not as a means to an end. Make it fun and enjoyable by giving compliments with the pure intention of making others feel good, but expecting nothing (not even a smile) in return.

9) Cuisine: What advice would you give someone who (unintentionally) says inappropriate things to people they are interested in of the opposite sex.

Typically if people are saying inappropriate things it means they are coming from a place of insecurity at which point they decide to knock the other people down to their level so they can exercise some kind of power. These people should work on letting go of fear based thinking and know that putting other people down to get want you want (approval, phone numbers, kisses, love connection) is no way to get what you want.

10) Cuisine: What advice do you have for shy people who want to meet people and flirt? Does this differ if the client is male or female?

Being social is something you actually practice.  Both men and women have to learn to play their part.  There’s many ways to improve yourself!  But there is truly only one way to become better at being social and flirting and that is by doing it!

11) Cuisine: How would you help a client who can’t tell when people are interested or disinterested in him/her?

I teach people to become more aware of their surroundings and the people in it.  When you make interacting with people part of your everyday you tune  into other people and what they are trying to communicate.

General guidelines are:  if someone is responding to your questions, asking their own questions, looking at you, smiling at you, complimenting you, it’s a sign that they are interested. Interested in what? Knowing more.  And it is your job to see how much the two of you want to know…

12) Cuisine: What advice would you give a man who is anxious about approaching women he does not already know?

1. It’s your job to approach women you do not know.

2.  It’s a good job.

3. Remind yourself that your intentions are good!  

4.  Remove any agenda and just initiate conversations for the sake of initiating them. 

5. Validate yourself for initiating each conversation no matter what the outcome. 

13) Cuisine: Any flirting tips for internet daters?

Take the time that you spend on the Internet looking at profiles or building one and go outside of your house and put yourself in situations where real life connections might occur.

14) Cuisine: Do you believe that “the man should lead”?

Yes!  I think the man should look at the whole of his life experience and all his friends’ life experience and realize no one is doing his job for him. He should own that and make himself masterful at connecting with women.

What I have discovered through experience is that is seems to be the man’s part to initiate the conversation and help guide it to a place where both the man and women feel like they know something about each other.  It’s her part to reciprocate.  Women that are good at their job help make it easy and are never lacking in men to date.

15) Cuisine: What do you think about women approaching men and women asking men for phone numbers or dates?

I think it’s great!  If there is a genuine connection.  She can validate him (say something to him that she finds unique about him ) and perhaps suggest an event that they may have in common.  Then exchange numbers as a way of firming up the next meeting.

16) Cuisine: Any flirting tips for speed dating?

Know yourself and know what you like.  Be as light as a feather and  as deep as ten thousand oceans ;  )

17) Cuisine: How important is who you have with you when you are out meeting people?

Making being social, meeting people and flirting a part of your everyday life is a practice. You don’t need to have anybody with you to say hi to someone while you stand on a street corner or are in line at the supermarket, or to give someone a compliment on a park bench.  In fact, relying on others in this area is often another excuse not to change.

18) Cuisine: Any tips for who to have with you?

The only social proof you need is the pleasure of your own company!

I asked John to make up his own question and here it is:

19) Cuisine: Do you believe in Love at first site? 

Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time!

—————————————————

Know your goals. If you are winding up dating the wrong people (or can’t find the right people), focus on whether you are clear (to yourself and others) on what your goals are, and then screen to make sure that prospective dates match these goals. If you are looking for a FWB, LTR wife/husband, wife/husband & kids, etc., you need to know what that goal is and be firm in it. Your goals should not change based on the people you are interested in. If they don’t meet your goals, don’t get involved with them. I’ve known people who complained that they can’t find a girl suitable for a long term relationship, yet they date people that from the beginning they knew did not meet their LTR standard. Focus your time and energy–wasting time with inappropriate people takes time away from finding and spending time with people who actually could meet your goals.

Screen girls/guys to make sure they match your goals. You can easily come up with questions to screen for a serious girlfriend/boyfriend, future wife/husband, future wife/husband and mother/father of your kids, etc. This does not need to be done on a first date but you CAN screen for casual (hookups, open relationships) vs. serious goals (relationships) on an initial meeting.

Example: women who want kids (relatively soon) generally screen men by asking if the men want kids. The only correct answer to this (as far as these women are concerned) is “yes” (as long as it is true)—otherwise, these women tend to move on. Anything that isn’t a “yes” reads as a “no,” so there is no “maybe.” There is a Friends episode about this. What about women who don’t want kids? In my experience, they are upfront with this information, so that men who want kids know to move on.

Another example: People looking for serious relationships (including marriage) often screen for family values by asking about one’s family and relationship with their family.

Yet another example: If you are looking for a relationship, you can ask what the person looks for in a man or woman for a relationship—if he/she describes you, it is going well. (You have also just sub-communicated that you are looking for a relationship.) This leads into the next section.

Sub-communicate and communicate who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship from the beginning. You are setting the frame and managing expectations. This is done before you even sleep w/the person, and includes both what you say and how you treat people you are (or want to be) involved with. Saying “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” or “I don’t date.” are ways of communicating casual goals. Or, if you treat a girl/boy like a serious girlfriend/boyfriend by making a point of introduce her/him to your close friends/family, having a drawer or toothbrush for her/him at your house, making her/him breakfast, having traditional dates, and doing traditional “couple activities like supermarket shopping, you are setting a serious “frame” even if you don’t have the “defining the relationship” talk.  It isn’t about one thing you do; it’s a combination of things that set the frame. That said, don’t assume you are on the same page–you have to have the talk if there can be a misunderstanding about your gals or something has changed (or you want it to). If your goals are different from each other’s, you are not an appropriate match, and someone could get hurt.

One way to break the pattern of dating (or not finding) the right people is to be open-minded about who we date. Try dating people who you are (or might be) attracted to, but who don’t meet your normal type. There should be some things that are deal-breakers for you, but you should NOT have a huge list, since every item on that list further limits the dating pool (and some of those people may actually be appropriate for you.

I decided to take Dr Eigen up on his interview offer, which I am glad I did since his answers were thoughtful and insightful. The original message his publicist sent me is below:

“In today’s world, the average relationship seems to last anywhere between a few months to a few years.  Long term commitments seem almost to belong to another age.  Often it seems we live in a crazy world and therefore accept crazy relationships.  People in relationships seem guarded and unwilling to let their partners in.  Some argue this is only because of the troubled economic time that we live in.  Others argue we are seeing so many dysfunctional relationships because the role of a man and woman are blurred.  What is the cause of so many short term relationships?  How can people have long term and meaningful relationships?

Able to discuss this and more is Dr. David Eigen, a leading psychologist and author of the books, Men – The Gods of Love and Women – The Goddesses of Wisdom.  Dr. Eigen discusses why so many live in a crazy world and have crazy relationships.  He discusses also how to have a healthy and normal relationship.  Dr. Eigen has appeared on CNN and HLN for his expertise.  Would you be interested in interviewing him on this?”

The Interview:

C: How do you feel the roles of men and women have blurred, and why does that lead to dysfunctional relationships?

Dr. E:   Men are taught and inherently are leaders who must also balance their feminine side. The Women’s Liberation movement taught women that being feminine was demeaning. It correctly taught women that abuse was unacceptable; they are equals of men and should be respected. They are equal but different. Unfortunately, blame was laid on men, not the patriarchal teachings and femininity. There solution was to become men, but not powerful balanced feminine beings. I see that many women are as aggressive and pushy in a masculine manner. This will emasculate their intended victim, who losses self-confidence and becomes less of a man, more passive and feminine, or rejects this and runs. Why is this balance so important? Because the balance between your inner male and female is a direct reflection of your ability to love and be loved!

C: Define some roles that you feel are (or should be) male roles and some that are (or should be) female roles.

Dr. E: These are the attributes listed in Women the Goddesses of Wisdom:

MEN                                              WOMEN

MENTAL                                       EMOTIONAL

Giver                                             Receiver

Doing                                               Being

Control Situations                    Capacity to Relate

Presenting Component            Receiving Vessel

Initiator of Life                          Producer of Life

Rigidity                                          Flexibility

Be Directive                                 Give Direction

Strength                                         Sensitivity

Focus                                          Inspiration

Structure                                            Vision

Intellect                                              Faith

Logic                                             Intuition

Guardian                                         Nurturer

Provider                                         Sustainer

Order                                                Fluid

Linear                                             Circular

Rational                                          Symbolic

Warrior                                          Defender

C: Is it more difficult for right-brained men and left-brained women to find love and LTRs? How and why?

Dr. E: Yes, because they have reversed their roles, which probably will lead to disharmony, dissatisfaction and, eventually, a break-up.

C: How do you feel tough economic times lead to dysfunctional relationships? Can’t we have good relationships regardless of our economic status?

Dr. E: “Economic stressors affect relationships. If the man is not providing (which is his job), he will feel less of a man. This can have a negative effect on the relationship.”

C: What is a “normal” relationship and what is a healthy relationship?

Dr. E: A balanced give-and-take is the basis of a healthy relationship. The name of my third incomplete book is The Sacred Dance, which describes a healthy balanced relationship between two balanced people.

C: How can you know when you first meet and/or start dating someone if they have long-term relationship potential?

Dr. E: Do they stick around? Are you both at peace being around each other? Do you both honor each other? If so, it is a possibility. If all there is…is a heated rush, it is doubtful.

C: What qualities should you look for and avoid in a potential mate?

Dr. E: I look for someone I care deeply about, am at peace with, who can discuss issues I may have and address behaviors that cause me to react. If they can be clear and not defensive, agree to review what is not working, are honorable, have integrity and seem to genuinely care for and about me – that is good. If they find excuses for upsetting behaviors, own up to nothing, and are self-involved, and I am feeling uneasy, jealous, resentful, alone, uncared about, lied to – (these are signs to avoid) then that’s all she wrote.

C: How do you break out of a pattern of dating the wrong people? How can you recognize the wrong people?

Dr. E: A pattern of “wrong people” is most likely codependency, which is the addiction to the struggle to be loved. Counseling, CODA [Co-Dependents Anonymous], [and] self-discovery are all available. Doing nothing will guarantee the same negative results.

C: What are three behaviors or mindsets you can adopt to improve your ability to find the right person?

Dr. E: AM I being the right person? What is it I really need? Am I pretending not to know something about myself and/or my partner that will make it clear? Am I blocking letting in the best partner for me?

C: What are three behaviors or mindsets you can adopt to improve your relationships?

Dr. E: How am I being loved that I am choosing to ignore and why? Am I creating situations/strife that blocks this love? How can I participate more fully in my relationship?

C: Does the man have to lead in a relationship, and how?

Dr. E: Both lead in their respective manner. The man leads more directly, while the woman encourages. Neither are [the] lessor or weaker, just leading from their sex’s perspective.

C: What are the differences between the self-limiting beliefs men have, versus the ones women have?

Dr. E: Men have to be macho to be men, therefore limiting their ability to feel and take in love. Women are taught they are weaker and less intelligent by nature, thereby limiting their inherent strength, their wisdom.

C: What could our families have taught us growing up that would help us in relationships as adults?

Dr. E: How to be whole and balanced, which they probably aren’t themselves.

C: Do “crazy relationships” work for some people? Why?

Dr. E: Some people like to be whipped to achieve physical orgasms. Is it crazy? Does this work for them? They say it does, but perhaps it is the only way they can feel, not knowing what love really is.

C: What qualities in a man most attract good quality women for long-term relationships, and what qualities in a woman most attract good quality men for long-term relationships?

Dr. E: This is a difficult question as the answer will be different for a healthy relationship. Present world answers, which create relationships that are bartered for, are the problem.

C: Do you believe that you need to just “be yourself” to do well with the opposite sex? Is this different for men and for women?

Dr. E: The big question is WHO AM I? Most people really have no idea who they are, but are just acting out the roles they have been taught. So the answer is YES, but you need to be clear who you are first.

C: Is there a correlation between how quickly a couple has sex and success of the LTR?

Dr. E: Quick sex will get the sexual compatibility question out of the way quickly, which is good. However, it can miss important understandings about one another that can be overlooked.

C: What are the most important ways a couple should be compatible? How do you screen for these compatibilities?

Dr. E: Screen for compatibility? Well first look at yourself and see what you really need, not just what you want. Then ask questions. I have found that within the first hour, I have all the info I usually need if I just LISTEN, and I don’t make excuses for my perspective partner answers or explain them away. If they say they are a retired axe murderer, penis amputator, etc., I believe them. I want warm fuzzy feelings, not cold prickly ones.

C: What do you know now about women and relationships that you wish you knew at 21?

Dr. E: A Whole Lot! In fact I have written books about relationships out of my experience, misunderstanding, and lack of self-knowledge. But the biggest thing is they are not the enemy, but they can be.

C: Do you feel that people have too many dating deal breakers? Is that a problem? Is this different between men and women?

Dr. E: Most I have heard are trite, hollow statements based in our own rigid thoughts. Get rid of them. Base it on honest feelings. If a woman did something unacceptable, it is possible after we discussed it that she owns up to it and… agrees to change, then that is a good thing. If they defensively argue and are not open to hearing what I am saying, that will cause me to move on. However, a relationship is NOT A DEAL, and trying to make it so…ruins it.

C: What are some deal breakers that you feel are not appropriate?

Dr. E: People looking for loveless arrangements based in their mental constructs. Not knowing who they are, but looking for some formula based relationship.

-Cuisine

————–

Check out my friend’s Costa Rica Tours and don’t forget to use the code “TOUCAN” to save money. He has some group tours that you can join, including an upcoming August tour, and I hear that airfare to Costa Rica is inexpensve right now for August.