Pros In The City has a deal on Specialicious for $10 for Speeddating.
Pros In The City has a deal on Specialicious for $10 for Speeddating.
This article is my portion of the January 2012 “He Said/She Said” Dating Column from DC Life Magazine.The “she” perspective will be in the final article and is from a DC Area Matchmaker.
Edit: DC Life is a bit behind with the January issue. I’ll post a link when the issue is out.
Clients often ask me how to meet women at the gym, since it is a place where they spend a lot of time. Plus, generally they share common interests (fitness and living a healthy lifestyle) with other people at the gym. So, how do you meet women at the gym? The gym is a social environment, a place where people spend a lot of time and often know the staff and other people who are there working out. Below are my tips for meeting women at the gym:
Choose your gym carefully. You want a gym that meets your needs and interests. This could mean joining a gym with pools, running tracks, saunas, basketball courts, specific classes (see below), rock climbing walls, etc. The happier you are with your overall gym experience, the more successful you will be meeting people there. And, you could have fitness preferences and conversation topics in common with a potential match–you both like to swim, run, rock climb, or practice yoga. Tour the gym to see if it has the equipment and facilities you need, and see if the type of women you are interested in work out there.
Dress well. In a gym, I wear cool t-shirts (as far as design, logo, or message), but that isn’t the only way to go. You want to show that you have style. Don’t wear worn out or ratty sneakers or clothes. I have seen people wearing clothes with stained armpits or holes and that is not the way to go.
Get to know the staff. If you want personal training to jump start your workout, consider scheduling time with a trainer. Many gyms give free sessions with trainers to get you to join; some even offer discounted memberships and/or sessions with trainers through daily deal websites like LivingSocial.com. Personal training sessions put you in more of a direct client-trainer relationship with the staff member, making him or her more interested in helping you in general. These trainers might even introduce you to people, or give you intel without you even asking. Be friendly with all the employees you encounter (trainers/instructors, assistants, front desk, etc.); it will be helpful when women see you getting along well with the staff, especially (but not exclusively) female staff.
Talk to women you are interested in. You do not have to start a conversation based on working out. Do not start conversations with “excuse me” (because you are then assuming that you are interrupting them) but simply start the conversation with a situational topic or general theme. My gym conversations tend to be about music (what is playing, if I can change the music, what I’m listening to on headphones, what the other person is listening to on headphones), TV (what is on it, if I can change it, similar shows to what is on the TV, new shows), or food (because I’m into food), but you could just as easily talk about movies (probably not horror), hiking, adventure sports, or a variety of other subjects. You are leading the conversation, but if a subject consistently doesn’t work, try new ones. Humor works as well as long as it comes off as natural and not forced or nervous. Some more specific info about talking to people at the gym:
Talk to women in different areas of the gym to see what works for you. I have had success talking to women who are on the next treadmill, as well as women on weight machines near me, with the former being longer conversations with people who often would rather talk to you than be bored on a treadmill, and the latter being shorter conversations that you drop and pick up again as you move around the gym. You can also talk to them again another day. I’ll pretty much talk to someone anywhere (except areas that are for women only), with the understanding that some of the conversations will be longer than others.
Pay attention to how responsive she is. If she is really into her workout, she may not be responsive to conversation, but may actually be more open talk at other times, such as the beginning or end of her workout, during a break between different types of exercises, or on another day.
Attend classes. Gyms have a variety of coed classes, which can be a good way to meet people. Check out a variety of classes (yoga, jujitsu, strength/flexibility, body pump, etc.) and see what works for you, both for your workout and meeting people. I know a lot of women go to Zumba and Pilates classes, but I’ve never attended those particular classes. Show up to the classes early so that you can chit-chat with others while waiting for the class to begin.
Have a plan. Think about possible dates or activities that you can do with her if she is responsive. Knowing where good nearby cafes, bars, and restaurants are can be useful. You can also take her to events or plan activities such as hiking.
Get to know other gym-goers. Be friendly and talk to people even if you aren’t interested in a date with them. You don’t want to talk people to death (especially if they are not responsive), but be friendly. Keeping a relatively stable workout schedule will help you see and talk to the same people, but you can also run out of new people to meet that way (unless it is a large gym). I go to the gym very often and without a set schedule, which allows me to meet a larger variety of people.
I hope this column improves your success and comfort level meeting potential dates at the gym. The more you practice being social (regardless of environment), the easier meeting people becomes.
DC Fit Week is March 21-25, 2011. It is concentration of three areas: physical, mental, and financial health. Here is the schedule of free (mind, body, and finance) fitness classes. Below is info on 2 of their Happy Hours. Go to some events, meet some people (women). Go to some classes and improve yourself.
DC Fit Week: Kickoff Happy Hour
Monday, March 21, 2011 from 5:00 PM – 8:00 PM (ET)
The DC Fit Week Kickoff Happy Hour is a Fit happy hour at America’s first FIT Restaurant and Bar, FunXion. Enjoy a variety of artfully prepared superfood-enhanced dishes and products that are low in calories and rich in nutrients.
DC Fit Week is sponsoring Stop Colon Cancer Now that night & putting together a raffle to raise money for their incredible organization. Bring cash so you can donate & win great prizes. If you’d like to donate prizes, contact us.
WHEN: March 21, 2011 5-8pm
HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS: TBD
Be the first to donate!
ADMITTANCE: You will not be admitted unless you RSVP. If you are unable to attend after RSVP’ing, please contact us so we can remove you from the list. We expect a packed event.
Sign up for classes, workshops, and events or get coupons at www.dcfitweek.com
DC Fit Week: *Decompression* Happy Hour sponsored by Monavie
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 from 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM (ET)
Who doesn’t need to decompress after a long day at work, a long workout pushing yourself running/strength training/yoga/cardio or just because….
DC Fit Week is well underway, why not come and enjoy some tasty drinks created just for this event. Join us in the Executive Lounge at Lounge 201, enjoy healthy cocktails and get your DRINK ON, all while having a good time. What’s a week of fitness without being able to wind down. So come hang while we taste some awesome mixes like the Amazon Bliss or a Monajito.
WHERE: Lounge 201
WHEN: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 6pm-9pm
Happy Hour Specials: $6 Monavie cocktails and martinis
$5 House red/white wine by the glass
$4 Select bottled beer
Raffle: We will raffle off a bottle of Monavie m(mun).
Last night I was talking to 2 HBs – HB8.25 and 9.25) and a guy entered the group between me and the 9.5 (my target)…the second he said anything to the obstacle ( so they had eye contact) I stepped back, took him by the shoulders and moved him to the left..next to the girl he was talking to (8.5)…and I continued talking to the target. This was basically as the amog entered the set since he said hi to them both. It wasn’t rude on my part because it looked like i was letting him talk to the girl he had eye contact with…but it signaled to my target clearly that she was my target and that I am assertive and smooth. I have also done it without physically handling the amog…by repositioning myself to talk to the target while he talks to obstacle.
This is a pet peeve of mine. A lot of guys like to say that there aren’t enough HBs (cute girls) in the area, or at an event. Scarcity mindset.
How many is enough? How many are you going to take home in an evening anyway? heh. Have you opened every one of the HBs you could get to? If you aren’t approaching the HBs, it doesn’t matter how many are present. If there are only 4 and you close one..there were plenty for you.
The comment in question was that the PUA and his friends only saw 20 HBs in a room of hundreds. I’m sure there were more than 20 but still – 20 HBs. Awesome! When I pressed him on how many of the ten he opened, he said “he could have opened 10 more.” LOL.
Here are some tips:
Hired guns (employees, whether in a store or a bar) are often hot, and they count as targets. They also offer good preselection (women like you) and social proof.
You can work the whole room for preselection and social proof. Vibe with the men (including employees) as well.
Show to events at the beginning so you can get the first crack at HBs when they arrive. And, you are social proofed when they arrive.
Also, position yourself so that it looks liek people are surrounding and gaming you (lock in). Leaning with your back to a wall or bar works.
I sarged Thurs-Saturday and got about a dozen #s (two were date-closes/time bridges), social game (party), night game, several metro and a couple of street approaches.
As always…wit and humor work very well. Saturday I opened my street approaches and sets while in (a beercan) costume with lines like:
On Saturday evening, my wing was Adept who was dressed as “Ug the Cavemen” and would open with things like:
Often women would just open us.
Oh, I did get the # of a woman dressed as Madonna, who is 7 inches taller than me.
Went to a speeddating event last night. It is amazing what you can do with a good pivot (Shelly) and a good wing. i told Shelly i’d find a girl for her to hangout with at the event. Opened my target ( hb8.5) before even entering the venue (had the pivot w me already, and I was setting them up to hangout together and bounce out w/me). Several AFCs watched me open her behind me and work her in awe. Got her # inside. Went through the rotation with a wing (Dr. Gonzo, who happened to be there) next to me. bounced my original target out (with wing and pivot)…and set up a date (time bridge for this week).
I did use the fact that I am a motivation speaker/Dating Coach with the same company the SD is through as social cred. I am teaching a general men’s dating class (2.5 hour lecture) with a couple of coaches soon, so feel free to contact me (email@example.com) for info.
Dare and Horizon (who I sometimes run into in the field) were in attendance, as was a client of mine. Not sure how they did…since I was busy and they weren’t near me.
I can’t stress the importance if vibing with people who work in stores and restaurants and bars, especially ones you frequent normally. Every time I enter the mall, I give the women at a particular kiosc a hug. I also know my servers in restaurants and hired (of various types) guns in bars. It’s social proof, but it also opens them and their present and future coworkers (and even customers) up as targets. That is how I # closed that Dead Sea products girl, and they are some of the toughest hired guns out there. That is also how I # closed a kiosk employee the same day, since her coworker knew me.
Oh, “call back humor” (inside jokes) works on hired guns.
Also, I get a lot of free stuff and discounts from vibing with hired guns and being a regular.
Went to a Jewish Happy Hour, and the men ignored an HB9 – the 21yo Irish (American) hostess wearing a crucifix pendant. Part of that was that she was a “hired gun” and these guys don’t think that way, and part was that she was very not Jewish. I got her #.
Russian hottie (law sudent), approximately 22yo at the pool. She was chatting with an Asian-ish guy (not a lifeguard) about her age in Russian. I opened by asking if he is Kazakh (Ooops, Mongolian) and then asked if she is Russian (correct). The dude wound up being a prop and giving me material to use by asking me questions but he didnt make any moves on her. He translated for her sometimes. He was cool.
she couldnt understand some of what i said but she kept getting giggly, her buying temperature (energy) climbed and she kept telling me how funny i am (IOIs, and DHV on being funny). She was trying to hide how interested she was by hiding her face when she laughed but that (the hiding) didn’t last long.
The three of us talked about food and culture (DHV – my identity) which I transitioned into foreign girls I’d dated (preselection). at one point she asked how many g/fs I have (IOI)…and I said “none but I’m looking for new ones. Are Russian girls cute (neg)? I’ve never dated one.” She said “I promise they are (IOI since said in a knowing way).”
I used “thumb war” and high fives to raise her buying temperature (since I already was getting attraction). I negged (bantered) her on having “cheater’s thumbs.” “Your thumbs grow when you start thumb wrestling.” or some such.
At one point she said her computer has viruses. I told her to stop downloading topless pics of Brad Pitt. She said he isn’t her type. I mentioned another actor. Nope. Vinn Diesel? Eh…but it wanst as negative a reatcion so i said “oh..you like big bald men.” and she said “No, i like men like you.” Major IOI.
I knew she was getting off work soon so i said i was going for pizza soon and asked if she wanted to come (a bounce) . “No. Tonight I have icecream, fruit, and coffee. Tomorrow we get pizza (a date close AKA time bridge).” I told her I couldnt tomorrow, but Thursday? She said yes and kept telling me not to forget thursday (IOI). I went for her # and she went to take my instead so I overcame her objection and got her # and called her so she’d have mine. I texted her later. She responded.
Always try to get the number even if the girl says no the first time. It may be a shit test (test to see if you are real)…like the last 2 times it happened to me.
IOI = Indicator of interest. DHV= Demonstration of Value.
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About "Cuisine" of Daygamer.net, including coaching information and additional testimonials.
He took us to target rich areas that I would not have thought of going. He demonstrated how to work the hired guns that are on the clock. He had an assistant demonstrate technique while he narrated. He was fair in giving time to each student that was specific and custom to their needs instead of generalized instruction the whole time. -E, Washington, DC
Daygame with Cuisine was very inspirational and life-changing, and he's proof that a guy of short stature can actually attract women. With him watching me I had in-field, progress even beyond what i thought was possible for me. After working with him, I can open sets automatically without all the terror and hesitation.
-Rhythm, Washington DC
Cuisine has expert knowledge on daygame and knows this area well. I have received coaching from him in the past and he was able to help me not just in set in the mall and other daytime venues but he was also able to also help me with some items I had overlooked and not even realized were holding me back... mainly in the areas of identity and comfort.
Daygame is my favorite area of game and I highly recommend Cuisine's coaching if you want to add consistency to this area of your life.
I really also want to give Cuisine and Knack four thumbs up on their instructional style and teaching ability. These guys are far from the industry, Tall - Handsome - White Boy - types that other "franchises" are known for - genetic endowment vs. real "game" ability. This pair really exemplify that it is all about attitude, authenticity, and social skill that get you laid.
-Philip J., New York (at a Venusian Arts Bootcamp)
Cuisine and what he taught was the exactly what I sought. The evening was very fun and he made sure to make us, the students, feel so, so comfortable. I absolutely recommend this for anyone looking to up their game when going out on the town to clubs, bars, etc.
You created a monster, by making me realize I have game. I’ve been fully engaging the world of women since then, and my goodness… it’s a lot of fun. It’s incredible how a tiny shift in my behavior can generate such dramatic results. Thank you for saying something that night. Your 7-priorities list is helpful as well. It’s putting a conscious logical face on my internal “gut feeling” so that I can formally rationalize why I see a future more with some girls than others. Neat. (Neat is an understatement.)
-Mark F., Virginia