Archive for the ‘Other Websites/Authors’ Category

Love at First Site, the Interview

Monday, August 31st, 2015

Erika EttinErika Ettin is a local business owner and author who specialized in helping her clients be successful at online dating. Her business is called A Little Nudge and her book is entitled Love At First Site. I met Erika a number of years ago through a dating site and recently interviewed her for DC Life Magazine. She is friendly and charming.

C: “In what way does your advice differ between male and female clients?” (I asked this question because the dating advice and profile help that I give clients does differ between the sexes.)

E: “I give the same advice to men and women: be yourself and you will attract the right person.”

C: “What suggestions do you have for the first date for avoiding being friend zoned?”

E: “Start and end with a hug, not a handshake. Sit side-by-side or catty-corner. Don’t lead with talking about work, but instead lead with fun topics; it should not feel like an interview.” (I agree with her about topics and sitting side-by-side when possible, but am not sure about catty-corner.)

Clothing suggestions for women: dress a touch feminine and if in work clothes take off your jacket and wear some color. For men: dress to match the venue.”

C: “Do you have any recommendations for local photographers for profile pictures?”

E: “I recommend having professional photos taken because people will not care as long as they look good. I have a photographer that I work with for my clients. The pictures should be taken outside or in a natural setting.”

C: “Do you have recommendations for specific DC area bars and cafes for dates?”

E: “I like both cafes and bars for dates but you shouldn’t choose generic ones. Northside Social, Chinatown Coffee, Busboys & Poets, The Wydown, and Tryst are good café choices. For drinks: Ardeo Bardeo (wine), City Taphouse (beer), and the Dignitary (whiskey — ask for Tom) are good choices.

C: What are some of your suggestions for second dates?

E: “Hiking, dog parks, H Street Country Club, Union Market, Eastern Market.”

C: “Are there taboo questions for dates?

E: “I don’t have overarching rules about this. It should come out organically.”

C: “What do you think about if a date goes well, asking for the next date on the current one?”

E: “I’m OK with that and he would say something like ‘I’d love to do this again; I’ll reach out tomorrow.’ This way he is not putting her on the spot and he does what he says he will (follows up tomorrow) which is a ‘win-win.’ If not interested, say ‘no’ and don’t just ignore.”

C: “What dating sites do you recommend?”

E: “For those who are more serious, use pay sites because people are more invested. If not particular about ethnicity or religion, try Match or Eharmony. Some good niche sites are Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Our Time (age 50+), Catholic Match, Jdate.” For free sites, OKCupid is good because they analyze their own data and are user friendly. The biggest apps are Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and JSwipe. Hinge uses Facebook connections and last names, which can be too much information.”

-Cuisine

Note: I wrote this article for the August 28th edition of DC Life Magazine. It was a bit rushed because the deadline came out of nowhere.

Is There a NEW Way to Open in Daygame?

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

This article is in response to this article: Daygame 101: A New Way to Open.

I wouldn’t say there is anything “new” here but it’s still worth a read. He is saying things that I’ve been saying and teaching forever, but also is a bit off on a few things. Yes, an approach should not feel like an approach to a woman, it should feel like it just happened (and look to people viewing the conversation like you already knew each other). Then they may if things go well -hello cognitive dissonance- women will feel that it was fate and if things go badly, they won’t.

As far as looking away and back. He should specify whether the eyes went sideways or down because there is a difference. Also, sometimes women look back after you or body scan when they think you aren’t looking looking so keep en eye out (pun intended).

It’s a shame he doesn’t give better examples for Indirect openers because the ones he gives (Excuse me…, and Where is the mall?) aren’t good, the former because it puts you in the frame of interrupting them, and the latter because it is close ended and obviously fake since your phone (GPS) can get you to the mall.

Direct approaches seems to contradict his desire not to startle women, so I’m curious as to whether the author even uses it or when/why.

As for as whether to choose direct and indirect approaches, it’s not as much about your style/vibe as it is how the woman responds to you, so you can use both types of approaches, at the correct times. But, when I say indirect, I mean indirect playful (like Wayne Elise talked about in the day) including possible teasing or banter. I write about direct vs. indirect approach styles here.

-Cuisine

Discovering Knowledge on Listening and Taking Action

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

Editor’s note: Here is an article a long time friend and coaching partner of mine (Discovering Knowledge) has written for Daygamer.net.

-C

—————————————————————————-

As a hypnotist and dating coach, I have noticed a number of mistakes that men make when it comes to approaching, talking to and engaging women that they either want to date or seek a more permanent relationship with.

As an example, if you play poker, you know that much of the game is based on your starting cards, but they are not the only or even the most important part of the game.  You have to be aware of your opponent and be able to read the board and the opponent, and delete any extra information that is not of value to you.  At the same time, you want to use all of these things against your opponent.

Imagine the following: you are watching a poker game, the dealer hands out the cards and everyone but 2 players are out.  The dealer puts out the first 3 cards, the first player to act throws out a huge bet, and instantly the 2nd player announces a “raise,” which often means that the player raising feels he has a very strong hand.  The raise is made and the game continues.

The next card shows up, the same 2 players are still in and the first player again throws out a bigger bet than before and instantly, the 2nd player raises again.  At this point, the amount of the pot is very healthy and the final card show up.  The first player to act is down to his last 8,000 chips and throws out 3,000 (which is a respectable bet at this point) and again, the other player raises his bet to put the first player “all in” and possibly ending his tournament.

You can imagine the tension that the first player is under; he has been pushed from the flop, all the way to the final card.  He has a powerful/big hand, but now he is uncertain and the 2nd player acts on that. The 2nd players talks a big game and acts with confidence and certainty.

The first player throws out his hand in disgust and the hand, when paired with the board, was 3 queens and 2 fours.  In poker, this is called a full house and very few hands can beat it.

MEN, pay attention to this.  This is literally what you do when you are trying to get a woman to talk to you, give you her number, go out with you, giveyou a kiss and possible more.  You are behaving like the first player.  You have a very strong hand, but then you talk yourself out of it.  You start to wonder about her, why is she interested in you?   What if you saw a prettier woman?  What if…

Here is some advice that has worked with hundreds of men.  Once you focus on the value that you have and the needs of women, you have become the 2nd player in our example and you are no longer concerned about what the “dealer,” “the universe” and “life” throws your way.  You understand that you take your skills and use them.  Will you always win?  No.  Will you win more often than you are winning now?  Yes!

First:  Expect to win!  Here is a secret that few men act on.

Women who want men, like men.

If you were not aware of this fact, go back and reread it.  You have a huge advantage in that women like you, not just as the person that you are, but simply because you are a man and they crave that male energy.  I don’t mean this “like” the way men are sexually focused on women.  Women really want to know you, get what you are about, why you act this way or how you feel about this or that.  This is part of why women drive men crazy with wanting to talk.  They need to get more of what they like, sound familiar?

Second:  Have something to share from your life.

I know that you have access to books and vids that are full of “openers” and “negs” and much more.  When you memorize lines and don’t add your personal energy to them, they come across as lines.  Cuisine and I have been teaching men how to use “themes” of attraction to have the stories of your life ready to share with the women you are interested in.

I use hypnotic language patterns.  These are secret patterns that have been used/banned in some areas because of how powerful they can be when used correctly.  Bill Clinton, Barak Obama and many politicians use these types of patterns in their speeches because they work and they control the masses.  You too, can now learn and use these types of patterns to create the intimacy, connection and hopefully a long lasting romance.  Please don’t expect you to have this information available to you, unless you take one my workshops, classes or become a private client.

Third:

Listen, listen, listen.  It’s not what you say that will get you the date, it’s how well you listen to her.  One of the most annoying characteristics of humans is the ability to hear a person’s name and instantly forget it.  How do you feel when you tell someone your name and they start calling you “bud” or “friend” or some other word that says, “I forgot your name and don’t care enough to ask you to repeat it”?  When she tells you details about her life and you don’t hear them or you simply forget them, she will feel most likely feel that you are just trying to manipulate her or worse.

Remember this the next time you are talking to a woman, listen.  She might just go out with you simply because you listened.  By the way, listening is done with your ears, your eyes and your body.  Pay attention to any hints or suggestions your intuition throws your way.  If you feel the moment to hold her hand is there, go for it.  If you want to ask for her number, do it.

To finish the poker story, the 2nd player never showed his hand but announced that he had a “king high” which if it was accurate, was a loosing hand all the way from the start.  When you start the conversation, you already have a strong hand.  It is up to you to either close the deal or allow the fear of the “what ifs” to keep you from the happiness and the woman you deserve.

The only way you can take a random conversation from a meeting to a relationship is to listen and take action!  Your most powerful asset as a man is your ability to be competitive and go for what you want.  Most women crave that in the man they will eventually give themselves to.

You can reach me at discoveringknowledge@yahoo.com with any questions or to clarify any of the information above.

Oscar (AKA Discovering Knowledge)
Hypnotist and Dating Coach

How NOT To Pick up a Girl at Whole Foods!

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

thrillest whole foodsHow to be creepy at Whole Foods by Thrillest. 🙂

The DC Area is Great for Guys!

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

This article is circulating about why DC sucks for guys. I do think it’s funny that he thinks there are too many Asian women here since many men are very into Asian women. He is probably just picking the wrong venues since I’ve only ever been to one venue that was overwhelmingly Asian (Lotus). Most of the time, when people say there aren’t enough attractive women around to approach, there is some “approach anxiety” involved (since they aren’t approaching the ones who are available and attractive). Also, if you don’t find enough women somewhere, try other venues.

Rather than tackle all the “self-limiting beliefs” (AKA If you believe it is so, it is for you) listed in the above article, below is my list of a few reasons why the DC area is great for guys.

1) The DC area has the highest female to male ratio in the United States. This includes Maryland (Bethesda and Rockville), DC, and Northern VA.

2) Daygame is great here. You can do street approaches in areas like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, Clarendon, which are all areas full of approachable young women. “Indirect playful” approaches work well here. You will probably receive less interference from other men in daygame than you would in a bar or night club, especially since many women go about their business during the day alone (or in small groups of women).  Street fairs are good venues for meeting women as well.

3) There are a ton of college students and college campuses here. Many people go to areas near the GW and Georgetown campuses to approach young (college age) women because of this. Cafes near universities tend to be hangouts for students as well.

4)This is a huge retail/shopping area. There are a ton of shopping areas in this area, and you can do well with both shoppers and store employees. Eastern Market and Pentagon City Mall combine street game with store, restaurant, and cafe approaches because as you bounce women around with you to different venues (stores, Eastern Market stands, cafes, etc.), they generally get more comfortable with you. And, stores contain props that you can use to start conversations.

5) This is a great city for socializing and networking. There are many social groups here including sports groups (WAKA and NAKID kickball, etc.) and meetup.com groups. There are companies such as Professionals in the City and Things To Do that plan singles events including mixers and speeddating events. And, many organizations host networking, charity, or political events. I’ve been to many events were more women than men. A good event list is Greg’s List DC.

6) There are enough venues in this area that you can definitely find a neighborhood with a few good bars to bounce between when you are approaching women. There are also many bars, restaurants, and cafes to bounce women to.

7) Internet dating is popular here on both free and pay sites. I used to set up 3 internet dates a day for a while, and could have scheduled more.

8) Ethnic/cultural  diversity is huge here (and yes, we have white girls). The DC area has an incredible selection of embassies here, many of which (such as France) plan various types of events. You can meet women from various countries at these events since people often attend the events of other embassies. There are also many venues to salsa dance or learn salsa dancing if you are into Latina women. You can also meet women from various countries at restaurants that feature the food of their countries (such as Russian women dining or working at Mari Vanna). Research the restaurants, dance clubs and events women of different countries attend.

9) There is a large enough PUA community here that you can find wings, without the community being (currently) large enough to be tripping over each other. That may change if they ever make a third season of the TV show, the Pickup Artist. 🙂

-Cuisine

How to Pick the Perfect Valentine’s Day Date Spot!

Tuesday, January 28th, 2014

Wist sent us this article on how to pick the perfect Valentine’s Day date spot in  for your wife, hubby, sweetheart, or new flame.

Based on an analysis of thousands of restaurant and bar recommendations processed by Wist (www.getwist.com) — a fun new app that gives you personalized food and drink recommendations for any occasion — dating venue expert and Wist CEO Aigerim Shorman has come up with five action steps you can take to find the perfect Valentine’s Day venue:

STEP 1:  SEARCH WITHIN A GENRE
Does your honey love to visit fancy places, or prefer more laid back spots? It’s too overwhelming to search for both so pick one type and stick to it.

STEP 2:  GIVE THE NIGHT A THEME
Instead of unrelated venues and gifts, give the night a theme (like “Hot Latin Salsa” or “Paris in ).  Coordinate restaurants, bars, activities, and gifts around this theme.

STEP 3:  GET SENTIMENTAL
If you’ve shared a long history together, re-create past memorable moments with a new spin — or if you’re new lovebirds, prepare a thoughtful and sweet reason WHY you picked your chosen place.

STEP 4:  CHECK IN TO CHECK OUT THE DETAILS
Don’t just show up at a restaurant or bar without specific food or drink recommendations.  Check out online and mobile reviews first to get specific suggestions of what to order for the best experience.

STEP 5: HAVE A PLAN B
Just in case things don’t work out as you had in mind at your top choice, have a couple of secondary locations in mind if you need a quick change of plans.

Adam & Eve Shares Statistics on Male and Female Sexuality

Wednesday, November 6th, 2013

Adam & Eve has come up with infographics with interesting facts about male and female sexuality. I wonder if respondents are likely to be honest to an adult entertainment company about their sexuality. It’s plausible.

-Cuisine

5 Tips to Make It Easier For Men To Date You

Tuesday, February 12th, 2013

For the ladies, here are “5 tips to make it easier to date” from Harlan Cohen, a nationally syndicated advice columnist. Now he’s written the next “He’s Just NNakedDatingBannerNing3ot That Into You.”  Harlan’s helping millions of people say what they think and do what they feel so they can find the love of their lives. His new book Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding The Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober) tackles how taking risks can positively impact your dating life.

 

1. Put yourself in rooms and places where men can easily find you (online and offline). 

2. Say what you think and do what you feel  (but keep it clean).

3. Make eye contact and let a man catch you (but try not to stare, that can be creepy.

4. Ask friends, family, and coworkers to set you up with specific men who interest you.

5. Say “Hi,” ask  questions, and suggest getting together in the future (but let him ask you on a date).

They can be found on Harlan’s blog as well, http://ning.it/VM6xMe.

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Guy/Girl to Make His Space Date Friendly

Saturday, September 15th, 2012

I was recently put in touch with local Interior Designer, Elizabeth Rosendorf, president and owner of e.rose designs, who kindly offered to give us (and DC Life Magazine, where I run the dating column) some tips on making our abodes date friendly.

I’m going to add a few suggestions of my own, coed ideas that are less “designy.”  For me, being prepared has always helped me set up a good experience or save the night when something unexpected happens.  Ways to be prepared:

1)     Have ingredients and recipes (that you have tried) on hand so that you can whip up breakfast, lunch or dinner on a moment’s notice.  If you know someone is coming over for a meal, then you can plan better what you will be cooking, but if he or she just happened to come over after the movie (or wherever the date happens to be), it will be more on the fly.  It isn’t difficult to learn how to make a few good dishes. And, yes Elizabeth, it is good to have fruit on hand.

2)     Have specialty food items on hand. If you have gourmet or interestingly flavored items (chocolate, potato chips, ginger ale, cookies, iced tea, etc.), it can certainly add to the experience.  Many people are always looking to try new things, and it also shows that you either are adventurous or have good taste.  These items don’t have to be expensive—I often find interesting specialty food items at World Market, Trader Joe’s, or on sale at Whole Foods.

3)     Have ingredients and recipes handy to make good cocktails. Have some good or interesting wine and beer around as well.  I’ve gotten good beer suggestions from Arrowine in Arlington and the Beer Manager at Whole Foods Arlington, and any decent wine store can make good suggestions as well.

4)     Your local pharmacy is your friend. If your date needs Advil, Imodium AD, a toothbrush, etc., it would be helpful to have them handy before the date is ruined.  Just be prepared for the worst, and while you are at it, always have a first aid kit and fire extinguisher handy as well–I’ve had use for both on dates.  I’m assuming I don’t have to tell you to have condoms and such on hand.

5)     Have a good selection of DVDs as well.  You can invite him or her over to watch movies or can have an impromptu movie night.

-Cuisine

Here are Elizabeth’s separate lists of suggestions for men and women:

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Guy to Make His Space Girl Friendly

1)     Eliminate futons from your home. We know it’s tempting, because they’re convenient and inexpensive, but resist the urge to futon it up, because futons scream man cave. You don’t need to spend a fortune to get a sofa and/or bed, and you don’t need to buy anything super “designy.” If you don’t want to pay full price, buy off of Craig’s List. Your date will appreciate the effort, because sofas and beds are always more welcoming to a woman than a series of nondescript futons.

2)     Get rid of semi-broken and battered furniture. We know you love your arm chair, despite (or perhaps because of) the big rips in the upholstery, and the way it creaks when you crank out the foot rest, but your girlfriend will feel more comfortable if your furniture is in decent condition. It’s good to have lived in, comfortable furniture, but know the difference between broken in and just plain broken.

3)     Don’t let your entertainment center be the most eye catching decoration in your home. There’s nothing wrong with having a big, state-of-the art entertainment center, but add a few pictures or paintings on the walls. Which brings us to number 4:

4)     Blank walls are not welcoming. You don’t want to plaster your walls with images, but spend some time choosing paintings or pictures that represent you. Love soccer? Find a picture of your favorite soccer team. Close to your nieces and nephews? Put up a family montage. And remember to frame and hang everything. Posters tacked to the walls are the province of teenaged set.

5)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your place, add paint colors to the walls to break up the typical monotony of white/beige walls everywhere. You don’t need to paint every wall or every room. Decide what works for you. Color adds visual interest, and it will give your home a more individual feel.

6)     Stock your fridge with items other than beer. If you happen to enjoy beer, definitely keep some on hand, but put some other necessities in the fridge, like milk, eggs, fruit and yogurt, and keep some cereal in the pantry. You want to be able to offer your girlfriend breakfast in the morning. Which brings us to number 7:

7)     Get a decent set of matching dishes. Your girlfriend will appreciate it if the cereal bowls and the plates go together.

8)     Keep a few bottles of wine around even if you don’t drink it. Lots of women might enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or after, and they’ll feel more like they belong in your space if you have a bottle on hand. Make sure to stock a few wine glasses, too, so she isn’t stuck drinking wine out of a regular glass. Extra points if you buy a wine rack to hold your bottles.

9)     Get a set of book shelves for your books. I’ve seen a lot of guys just stack up their books in the corner, which creates clutter in their space, particularly when you have a lot of books, and the piles are starting to tip over.

10)    Get matching bed sheets to give your bedroom a more finished feel. Unmatched sheets are distracting, and a put together set will allow your girlfriend to focus on you, rather than the bedding.

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Woman to Make Her Space Guy Friendly

1)     Balance girly touches with neutral colors and clean lines. If you put fluffy cushions on the couch, the couch itself should have smooth lines. If the cushions happen to be pink, go for an off white sofa.

2)     For a more dramatic contrast, go with a black sofa/living room chair set, which will make your girly cushions pop.

3)     In the bedroom, silky sheets in a light color are fantastic and add a feminine touch. A ruffled pink bedspread, not so much. You want your space to feel womanly but you also don’t want your guy to think he’s in “girl world”. Feminine highlights should be just that-highlights.

4)     If you’re naturally less girly, don’t be afraid to show it. There’s no law that says you need pastel or pink/purple highlights. On the other hand, a full on man cave look is not the best approach either. Pick a look that suits you and emphasizes your version of femininity.

5)     My favorite romantic bedroom touch: Hang a mosquito net over your bed and spread it out to surround the entire bed. Or staple colorful wall hangings to the ceiling over your bed to create an exotic feel. It makes your bedroom feel welcoming and feminine but not overwhelmingly so.

6)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your space, add color to the walls. Pick shades that you feel represent you to give your home an individual feel. Balance brightly colored walls with warm beiges or cool whites, depending on the shades you choose.

7)     Keep some beer in your fridge. Maybe you drink it, too, but even if you don’t, lots of guys do, so it’s best to be prepared.

8)     Buy a few beer steins so if your date does drink beer, he isn’t stuck drinking it out of a wine glass. Extra points if you keep a cool bottle opener on hand.

9)     Keep a few modern vases around your space so you’ll be prepared in case a date gives you flowers. There is nothing more awkward than getting flowers on a date and having to lay them on the table due to a lack of vases. Alternatively, buy flowers for yourself and have fun showing them off in your vases.

10)    Add some pictures and paintings to your walls that represent who you are. Have a favorite football team? Love dance? Put up pictures and paintings that show your world.

Elizabeth’s Bio: Elizabeth Rosendorf, president and owner of e.rose designs, draws on a wealth of experience to provide personal styling, interior design, graphic design, and architectural 3D modeling solutions. She holds a Masters of Interior Design from the Corcoran College of Art + Design, and she has built on her interiors base to develop expertise in graphics, fashion, and 3D modeling. Her philosophy is that the desired design and style exist within the client, and it is her goal to draw this design out and articulate it through her work. Rather than simply placing a solution on her client, she seeks to find the solution within the customer, and then give it form. Her design sensibilities are informed by her upbringing in Washington, DC and by her time spent studying and working in France and Germany, and traveling through Europe. She is devoted to promoting sustainability, and is a Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design Accredited Professional (LEED AP).

Truths about Love in a Crazy World

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

 

I decided to take Dr Eigen up on his interview offer, which I am glad I did since his answers were thoughtful and insightful. The original message his publicist sent me is below:

“In today’s world, the average relationship seems to last anywhere between a few months to a few years.  Long term commitments seem almost to belong to another age.  Often it seems we live in a crazy world and therefore accept crazy relationships.  People in relationships seem guarded and unwilling to let their partners in.  Some argue this is only because of the troubled economic time that we live in.  Others argue we are seeing so many dysfunctional relationships because the role of a man and woman are blurred.  What is the cause of so many short term relationships?  How can people have long term and meaningful relationships?

Able to discuss this and more is Dr. David Eigen, a leading psychologist and author of the books, Men – The Gods of Love and Women – The Goddesses of Wisdom.  Dr. Eigen discusses why so many live in a crazy world and have crazy relationships.  He discusses also how to have a healthy and normal relationship.  Dr. Eigen has appeared on CNN and HLN for his expertise.  Would you be interested in interviewing him on this?”

The Interview:

C: How do you feel the roles of men and women have blurred, and why does that lead to dysfunctional relationships?

Dr. E:   Men are taught and inherently are leaders who must also balance their feminine side. The Women’s Liberation movement taught women that being feminine was demeaning. It correctly taught women that abuse was unacceptable; they are equals of men and should be respected. They are equal but different. Unfortunately, blame was laid on men, not the patriarchal teachings and femininity. There solution was to become men, but not powerful balanced feminine beings. I see that many women are as aggressive and pushy in a masculine manner. This will emasculate their intended victim, who losses self-confidence and becomes less of a man, more passive and feminine, or rejects this and runs. Why is this balance so important? Because the balance between your inner male and female is a direct reflection of your ability to love and be loved!

C: Define some roles that you feel are (or should be) male roles and some that are (or should be) female roles.

Dr. E: These are the attributes listed in Women the Goddesses of Wisdom:

MEN                                              WOMEN

MENTAL                                       EMOTIONAL

Giver                                             Receiver

Doing                                               Being

Control Situations                    Capacity to Relate

Presenting Component            Receiving Vessel

Initiator of Life                          Producer of Life

Rigidity                                          Flexibility

Be Directive                                 Give Direction

Strength                                         Sensitivity

Focus                                          Inspiration

Structure                                            Vision

Intellect                                              Faith

Logic                                             Intuition

Guardian                                         Nurturer

Provider                                         Sustainer

Order                                                Fluid

Linear                                             Circular

Rational                                          Symbolic

Warrior                                          Defender

C: Is it more difficult for right-brained men and left-brained women to find love and LTRs? How and why?

Dr. E: Yes, because they have reversed their roles, which probably will lead to disharmony, dissatisfaction and, eventually, a break-up.

C: How do you feel tough economic times lead to dysfunctional relationships? Can’t we have good relationships regardless of our economic status?

Dr. E: “Economic stressors affect relationships. If the man is not providing (which is his job), he will feel less of a man. This can have a negative effect on the relationship.”

C: What is a “normal” relationship and what is a healthy relationship?

Dr. E: A balanced give-and-take is the basis of a healthy relationship. The name of my third incomplete book is The Sacred Dance, which describes a healthy balanced relationship between two balanced people.

C: How can you know when you first meet and/or start dating someone if they have long-term relationship potential?

Dr. E: Do they stick around? Are you both at peace being around each other? Do you both honor each other? If so, it is a possibility. If all there is…is a heated rush, it is doubtful.

C: What qualities should you look for and avoid in a potential mate?

Dr. E: I look for someone I care deeply about, am at peace with, who can discuss issues I may have and address behaviors that cause me to react. If they can be clear and not defensive, agree to review what is not working, are honorable, have integrity and seem to genuinely care for and about me – that is good. If they find excuses for upsetting behaviors, own up to nothing, and are self-involved, and I am feeling uneasy, jealous, resentful, alone, uncared about, lied to – (these are signs to avoid) then that’s all she wrote.

C: How do you break out of a pattern of dating the wrong people? How can you recognize the wrong people?

Dr. E: A pattern of “wrong people” is most likely codependency, which is the addiction to the struggle to be loved. Counseling, CODA [Co-Dependents Anonymous], [and] self-discovery are all available. Doing nothing will guarantee the same negative results.

C: What are three behaviors or mindsets you can adopt to improve your ability to find the right person?

Dr. E: AM I being the right person? What is it I really need? Am I pretending not to know something about myself and/or my partner that will make it clear? Am I blocking letting in the best partner for me?

C: What are three behaviors or mindsets you can adopt to improve your relationships?

Dr. E: How am I being loved that I am choosing to ignore and why? Am I creating situations/strife that blocks this love? How can I participate more fully in my relationship?

C: Does the man have to lead in a relationship, and how?

Dr. E: Both lead in their respective manner. The man leads more directly, while the woman encourages. Neither are [the] lessor or weaker, just leading from their sex’s perspective.

C: What are the differences between the self-limiting beliefs men have, versus the ones women have?

Dr. E: Men have to be macho to be men, therefore limiting their ability to feel and take in love. Women are taught they are weaker and less intelligent by nature, thereby limiting their inherent strength, their wisdom.

C: What could our families have taught us growing up that would help us in relationships as adults?

Dr. E: How to be whole and balanced, which they probably aren’t themselves.

C: Do “crazy relationships” work for some people? Why?

Dr. E: Some people like to be whipped to achieve physical orgasms. Is it crazy? Does this work for them? They say it does, but perhaps it is the only way they can feel, not knowing what love really is.

C: What qualities in a man most attract good quality women for long-term relationships, and what qualities in a woman most attract good quality men for long-term relationships?

Dr. E: This is a difficult question as the answer will be different for a healthy relationship. Present world answers, which create relationships that are bartered for, are the problem.

C: Do you believe that you need to just “be yourself” to do well with the opposite sex? Is this different for men and for women?

Dr. E: The big question is WHO AM I? Most people really have no idea who they are, but are just acting out the roles they have been taught. So the answer is YES, but you need to be clear who you are first.

C: Is there a correlation between how quickly a couple has sex and success of the LTR?

Dr. E: Quick sex will get the sexual compatibility question out of the way quickly, which is good. However, it can miss important understandings about one another that can be overlooked.

C: What are the most important ways a couple should be compatible? How do you screen for these compatibilities?

Dr. E: Screen for compatibility? Well first look at yourself and see what you really need, not just what you want. Then ask questions. I have found that within the first hour, I have all the info I usually need if I just LISTEN, and I don’t make excuses for my perspective partner answers or explain them away. If they say they are a retired axe murderer, penis amputator, etc., I believe them. I want warm fuzzy feelings, not cold prickly ones.

C: What do you know now about women and relationships that you wish you knew at 21?

Dr. E: A Whole Lot! In fact I have written books about relationships out of my experience, misunderstanding, and lack of self-knowledge. But the biggest thing is they are not the enemy, but they can be.

C: Do you feel that people have too many dating deal breakers? Is that a problem? Is this different between men and women?

Dr. E: Most I have heard are trite, hollow statements based in our own rigid thoughts. Get rid of them. Base it on honest feelings. If a woman did something unacceptable, it is possible after we discussed it that she owns up to it and… agrees to change, then that is a good thing. If they defensively argue and are not open to hearing what I am saying, that will cause me to move on. However, a relationship is NOT A DEAL, and trying to make it so…ruins it.

C: What are some deal breakers that you feel are not appropriate?

Dr. E: People looking for loveless arrangements based in their mental constructs. Not knowing who they are, but looking for some formula based relationship.

-Cuisine

————–

Check out my friend’s Costa Rica Tours and don’t forget to use the code “TOUCAN” to save money. He has some group tours that you can join, including an upcoming August tour, and I hear that airfare to Costa Rica is inexpensve right now for August.