Archive for the ‘Online Game’ Category

Love at First Site, the Interview

Monday, August 31st, 2015

Erika EttinErika Ettin is a local business owner and author who specialized in helping her clients be successful at online dating. Her business is called A Little Nudge and her book is entitled Love At First Site. I met Erika a number of years ago through a dating site and recently interviewed her for DC Life Magazine. She is friendly and charming.

C: “In what way does your advice differ between male and female clients?” (I asked this question because the dating advice and profile help that I give clients does differ between the sexes.)

E: “I give the same advice to men and women: be yourself and you will attract the right person.”

C: “What suggestions do you have for the first date for avoiding being friend zoned?”

E: “Start and end with a hug, not a handshake. Sit side-by-side or catty-corner. Don’t lead with talking about work, but instead lead with fun topics; it should not feel like an interview.” (I agree with her about topics and sitting side-by-side when possible, but am not sure about catty-corner.)

Clothing suggestions for women: dress a touch feminine and if in work clothes take off your jacket and wear some color. For men: dress to match the venue.”

C: “Do you have any recommendations for local photographers for profile pictures?”

E: “I recommend having professional photos taken because people will not care as long as they look good. I have a photographer that I work with for my clients. The pictures should be taken outside or in a natural setting.”

C: “Do you have recommendations for specific DC area bars and cafes for dates?”

E: “I like both cafes and bars for dates but you shouldn’t choose generic ones. Northside Social, Chinatown Coffee, Busboys & Poets, The Wydown, and Tryst are good café choices. For drinks: Ardeo Bardeo (wine), City Taphouse (beer), and the Dignitary (whiskey — ask for Tom) are good choices.

C: What are some of your suggestions for second dates?

E: “Hiking, dog parks, H Street Country Club, Union Market, Eastern Market.”

C: “Are there taboo questions for dates?

E: “I don’t have overarching rules about this. It should come out organically.”

C: “What do you think about if a date goes well, asking for the next date on the current one?”

E: “I’m OK with that and he would say something like ‘I’d love to do this again; I’ll reach out tomorrow.’ This way he is not putting her on the spot and he does what he says he will (follows up tomorrow) which is a ‘win-win.’ If not interested, say ‘no’ and don’t just ignore.”

C: “What dating sites do you recommend?”

E: “For those who are more serious, use pay sites because people are more invested. If not particular about ethnicity or religion, try Match or Eharmony. Some good niche sites are Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Our Time (age 50+), Catholic Match, Jdate.” For free sites, OKCupid is good because they analyze their own data and are user friendly. The biggest apps are Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and JSwipe. Hinge uses Facebook connections and last names, which can be too much information.”

-Cuisine

Note: I wrote this article for the August 28th edition of DC Life Magazine. It was a bit rushed because the deadline came out of nowhere.

Field Agents Need Lovin’ Too!

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

This was too bizarre not to post. But yes, be safe!

-Cuisine

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DHS to attend online dating conference in Miami Beach

By: Mark Rockwell

The Department of Homeland Security is set to participate in a discussion panel at an online dating industry conference in Miami in the coming days.

Tom Millar, chief of communications for the Department of Homeland Security’s United States Computer Emergency Readiness Team (US-CERT) is slated to discuss deceptive dating tactics in a January 24 panel at the iDate SuperConference event, said a statement from Ticondergoa Ventures, Inc., the sponsor of the conference. The event takes place on January 23-30, 2012 in Miami Beach.

Millar’s session is designed, said Ticonderoga Ventures, to help dating operators prevent fraud within their respective sites.

The appearance isn’t as unusual as it may seem. DHS and the CERT have been aggressively promoting online safety and security in the last few months through the agency’s “Stop. Think. Connect” campaign. On Jan. 10, DHS’ Web blog posted a series of tips on how the public and DHS employees can remain secure online.  According to Ticonderoga, Millar’s Miami appearance is part of DHS outreach program called “Cyber Week” in the city.

Online dating service providers will get their money’s worth from Millar on Cyber security. He joined US-CERT in 2007 and helped develop the organization’s response to the Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks on Estonia in 2007, the outbreak of the Conficker worm and the DDoS attacks on major US government and commercial websites in 2009. He is currently US-CERT’s chief of communications.

The Department of Homeland Security is in the Miami area from January 23-26, 2012 for the “Stop.Think.Connect.” campaign’s Miami Cyber Week Outreach Program, said Ticonderoga. Cyber Week will directly engage the greater Miami community in promoting awareness and dialogue about the dangers Americans face online, it said. Cyber Week is part of the larger DHS cyber mission to arm citizens with the resources and tools needed to protect themselves, their families, their communities, and the nation against growing cyber threats, it said.

“Dating Leftovers”…My Response

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

My response to Best of Moxie – Online Dating Is Like Eating Leftovers:

I’ll add another wrinkle to this. Men and women do not date the same way.

For men, attraction is very visual…and immediate. They look at you, and are either attracted or not. If they aren’t sure (it’s a maybe)…it’s a huge red flag? Why don’t I know if she is attractive?

For women, attraction is more about how the man makes them feel. They can definitely pick out the one guy at a bar they are attracted to…but the amount of men that fit into that category is very small…and even then there are usually other things that are attached to it coloring how the women feel about the men such as positives such as whether the men are surrounded by women or leading men. Women are often dating men who fit into their “maybe” category visually. They may not even be able to get the men who fit into their “yes” category…since those men have more options and have to do less hunting.

How does internet dating play into this? For men…it’s the same. Attracted or not. For women…now they are being forced to be visual about attraction AND (depending on what they are looking for) still have to read profiles to see how the profile makes them feel. So, online, women are often turning down men who they would actually date if they met them in person first. And the men they are visually attracted to…have other options since plenty of women like them as well. Plus, women often have really bad profiles (negative or picky content and bad pictures)…and still get tons of messages, while knocking out some of the higher value men…who have other options. They may also be knocking out the more relationship oriented men.

Men can be older and heavier/shorter/less attractive that the original commenter might find attractive and still get very attractive women…because attraction for women is…as I have stated…less visual and more about how you make them feel.

If a woman looks at a dating site and feels the men are all unattractive she probably has an inflated value of what she brings to the table. Plus, she should try harder to meet people in person and be more open-minded about it.

-C

Bad Dating Business Concept

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

What is a Greenlight Card?

A modern incarnation of the Victorian calling card. An alternative way of introducing yourself to someone you’d like to meet. A fusion of Victorian nicety and contemporary necessity.

The GreenlightCard.com member chooses, based on that age-old feeling of “chemistry” at a given moment, to whom they present their card…thereby giving that recipient the “Greenlight” to get in touch. If the recipient is interested, they visit the Greenlightcard.com website, enter the Member Number printed on the card, tell us where to send the contact info and, within minutes, the texting, emailing or phone correspondence can begin. It’s that simple!
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My problem with this is that men need to build up their skill actually approaching and initiating conversations, leading to getting a number and setting a date up. Approaching and then handing her a card and leaving, so that she has to now take the initiative…won’t work very well.  The women won’t follow through and will wonder why you didn’t just talk to them. Plus, guys with really bad approach anxiety probably hand approach and hand out a card anyway.

For women, if they actually hand the card to someone, it might work, because the guy may then take the lead. But, often, the women who are aggressive enough to initiate in a society where attractive women get approached quite often, do so because they aren’t getting approached. Those women may not get the best response through Greenlight Card either.

I can see it working for gays…as a screening tool.  I can also see a guy running a marathon and handing the cards out there.  I can also see giving them to hired guns (employees) if their coworkers bosses, or customers are around…but you can also make up fun business cards that would work better. In my case, I use a food-themed card which links to my food website, so it highlights my identity.

In general, response rate will be lower than getting a phone # from a woman, so one deck of these cards won’t get a guy very far.

This concept was created by people who do not understand male/female dating dynamics. They are using test feedback to let them know how it is working, which in the case is very limited and biased.  They need statistics on how often people actually got dates through this (as a % of cards handed out), and testimonials.

Also, they are anti-internet dating, and they are marketing this for people who don’t like internet dating, which is a mistake; it is highlighting negativity and possibly recruiting negative people. Market it to people who want to try something new and fun.

-Cuisine

High Value Men Have Standards (My Online Game Article That Was Featured On Cliff’s List)

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

Online Dating: Barrier to Entry/Investment

Coaching clients often ask me what the differences are between free and pay dating sites (other than money).

I’ve had success (FCs) with various sites and I’ve noticed a pattern. The lower the “barrier to entry,” the less women are generally invested. By barrier to entry, I mean…the investment in money, time, or effort that is needed to be reasonably successful on  a particular site.  As is, women have a much easier time at internet dating, because men do most of the approaching/contacting – women can pick and choose from various people contacting them.
On a lower-end (lower barrier to entry) site women may be using using no or lower quality photos, having incomplete or poorly written profiles, or not following through with the process. HB quality (physical and otherwise) seems to go up as barrier to entry (and investment) does.
So, if money is in short supply but time is not, free sites may be a better option for you.  If it is time that is in short supply, join a pay site, since the people tend to be more invested, and the sites often do much of the work (via features and the way the system or profiles are set up).
Examples (low to high):
Craigslist (free):

No barrier to entry – it is a classified ads system that includes dating (and various other types of) ads. You don’t need an account or even a picture, which is not the case with dating sites. And, men will still send women tons or responses, so you have a lot of competition and the ladies wind up with overrun inboxes. Plus, many of the responses they get are form letters or offensive photos.  You can cut through the competition, but (1) you need to write well and (2) you have to SCREEN the women really well.

The barrier to entry is so low that men are often posing as women (with or without pictures) on the site, as practical jokes, as social experiments, or possibly worse.  And, because anyone can see pictures without registration, many people do not post pictures (just as I do not when I post ads here). And, many of the women either don’t respond, or if they do, never follow through with past the email stage. There don’t seem to be as many HBs. I’ve still met some cool women here, but I screen well.

Plenty Of Fish (free)
Basically, you have a few stats and pictures, and a small amount of space for text. People send very short messages here and have very short profiles.  Guys with very good pictures (looks-based) seem to do very well here, but otherwise, this site is a lot of work with few decent responses. I did date a girl from here.  There are a  lot of women you might not find attractive (and unlike CL, you can see them) and like any other site…expect lower value (for whatever reason) women than yourself to be more likely to contact you.
Okcupid (free)
This site is free but requires more of a time investment because of all the questions and quizzes, and the matching feature.  You may still get some women who are uncomfortable with the dating process (and may never meet anyone) but less than with CL or POF.  Use the features of the site (IM, answer the profile questions, use Quickmatch and Quiver, and have people (especially women) to write you “awards” (for social proof/preselection), etc.)  I tend to use actual game on this site…I just translate it to online game.
Pay Sites:
I use Eharmony and Jdate, but match.com should be fine.

When women pay for sites…I’ve found higher quality women as far as looks and follow through (filling out profiles well, responding, IMing, talking on the phone). Eharmony does all the matching for you (you cannot search) but has some decent quality women…and is thought of as a more relationship oriented site (by everyone except my wing, Knack, who somehow met a lot of casual girls there).  There is also an automated system of sending questions back and forth that may help with the more skittish women.

Jdate is a Jewish site which also has decent quality. Both JD and EH have better quality women on a whole than free sites, and the women are more invested, and more likely to meet you.

Tips (for sites like okcupid, eharmony, match):

1. Put at least several pictures up, and screen them for good body language.  You need at least one good profile pic where they can see you clearly. Also have one with women…and it’s fine to caption that they are friends, relatives, whatever. Also have one or more activity photos if you have them. If you have a dog, a pic with it will help. Some of these pics should tie into your identity which should be shown in your profile.

2. Use game in your profile…whatever style or combination of style you use in field (but use your own material when possible so that it is identity-specific). Examples:  juggler type humor, Mystery type stories, PU101 style banter, Deangelo style cocky funny, etc… An example of identity-specific would be that you will find a lot of food-related material in my profiles.  Many other people use travel, adventure, (playing) sports/hiking/marathons, etc.

3. I said it already…screen! Have an idea of what you are looking for and sub-communicate or communicate what qualities you are screening for, and then meet the girls that have those qualities. High value men have standards.

4. Work on the messages you send women so that they don’t look like form messages convey that you are showing an interest in her as a person–ask a couple of questions about her profile, make a comment or comparison, etc.

Good luck in your hunting. 🙂

-Cuisine

Cognitive Dissonance response from Adonis

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

Two of our readers commented regarding the CD definition I posted. Puma asked about CD in game, and Adonis responded (under his Charming Rogue account on twitter) saying that he would followup with more info.  here it is (thanks):

Adonis – Cognitive Dissonance

July 11, 2009 by Adonis

AdonisTo truly understand the process of seduction, a working understanding of the theory of Cognitive Dissonance is necessary. Cognitive Dissonance is caused when a person holds two or more conflicting or contradictory beliefs about the self. When this is experienced, it causes a person so much discomfort that they will typically rationalize one belief away. For example, a woman you have approached and attracted suddenly finds herself wanting to go to bed with you, but this conflicts with her idea of being a good girl or at least not a slut.

(Note: The term “slut” is a construct created by women to use as a weapon to lower other women’s social value. I have no misogynistic intentions in using this word. As previously stated, I believe women should be free to engage in any sexual acts she so desires without judgment.)

She then rationalizes that going home with you was “meant to be” or “fate” and therefore it is permissible for her to act on her impulses. Her cognitive dissonance has been removed.

Cognitive Dissonance is also why proper escalation is so effective. If she is complying with each of your escalations she will often possess two conflicting beliefs:

1) Things are rapidly getting more and more physical and intimate; and
2) Only an “easy” or “slutty” girl would allow rapid escalations to happen with someone they don’t really like. In order to abet her cognitive dissonance, she will rationalize to herself that she must really like you because she is definitely not easy or a slut.

Cognitive Dissonance is an important component of Sexual Framing. I will be covering the tools I actually use to Frame a Women Sexually in an upcoming article.

Funny online game response I received

Friday, June 26th, 2009

“Hi C********,

Thanks for your warm note. And thanks for forwarding the video clip. What’s it like eating pork? Wink

We do have things in common. To up the ante, we’d have even more in common if we agreed on the following:

~ Like me, you believe that marriage should be defined as between one man and one woman

~ You’re think children do best in homes headed by a husband and a wife

~ You understand that being socially conservative can also mean that you’re thoughtful, cultured, and open-minded … not racist, homophobic, etc., as the left accuses you of being.

~ You’re grateful that, despite Bush’s flaws, we did not see a single act of domestic terrorism for over 7 years on American soil

If this sounds like you … we would hit it off splendidly.
Have a good start to the day!

-L*******”

———-

P.S. She’s getting screened out (doesn’t meet the qualifications for me). 😉

This weekend’s bootcamp (May 29-31) – post one

Monday, June 1st, 2009

This weekend was a blast.  I worked the Venusian Arts bootcamp with Lovedrop, Discovery (London), and Adept (a local coach like Knack).   VA calls me (and adept and Knack) in when they are in NYC or DC.  The students mainly seemed to be from NY, PA, and the DC area…although one flew in from NM.  Knack is in Mexico (not NM) right now.

Girl Candy was there as were two former students of mine from last year – one of which (Derby, who Discovery called “Darby” at the beginning of the bootcamp and “Ditzy” near the end) is now a sales associate for VA (they are looking for more sales help, btw).   The other student is a great guy who is a former stutterer who helps other stutters speak better – a leader in that community.

I don’t want to give a play by play on the whole thing, but I will write a few posts about the weekend.

On meal breaks, anyone who wanted to could come with me to whatever restaurant i was heading to…so I got to spend time with the students outside the lectures and clubs, including ones who didn’t join us in-field.  Some of my stories are about the daygame that happened between the hotel and meals.

In a bar (Saturday night)…I asked a girl for her # and she she “No. you give me yours.  I’m a contract negotiator. You won’t win this, give up now!”  I got her # anyway and she and her room mates met us elsewhere later that evening.”   Many times, you can get a number even if a girl says no.  In this case, she was “shit testing” me – seeing if I’m real and can handle her.

To Be Continued Soon…

J Retromatch Update

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

So, I switched matchmakers and talking to my new one of the phone.  She flaked on the 2 previous appointments.

What I found out?

All the matchmakers are in Israel so there is a major time difference.  Their network here in DC is tiny. With me haveing previously dated or befriended 4 girls, approved 3 (2 declined me), declined a few, approved and went on a date with one…and not being open to outside the DC area…there isn’t much else she can do.  She has one mor match to send me and then she will see if anyone new pops up.  And, I do standards she has to meet when matching. 

This matchmaker is definitely better than the old one so let’s see what happens.

Jretromatch update

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

Apparently, my matchmaker has made attempted 2 matches to women on my behalf, and other matchmakers made 3.  So, I’m waiting for their responses to see how bad the matches are. 🙂  At least they are trying to match me up.  One of the three from another matchmaker was horrible:

#5:  (Other matchmaker) I declined: Just plain bad match.  Age and physical match are off.