Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Men who think they aren’t good looking enough…

Thursday, July 20th, 2017

A very common topic in seduction forums is men saying that they are not physically attractive enough to get a girlfriend. And when they share their pictures, their looks obviously aren’t the problem. What are the problems here?

  1. Confidence and self-limiting beliefs. You are good looking enough! You are ENOUGH! Enough to reach whatever your goals are. Work on confidence and improving yourself and get out there and approach and practice your social skills. Assume attraction. If you assuming you aren’t X, Y or Z enough, it’s true for you and a self-limiting belief that is holding you back. You don’t want to create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy.
  2. Body language reading skills. They say women never show interest but these men don’t know how to read interest. I recommend Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox to better learn to read the body language of flirting and dating. Apparently Superflirt is even a free app for iPhone. I haven’t tried the app though.
  3. Attraction in men vs. women. Men generally can tell from a quick look at a  woman whether of not they are attracted — it is visual. A lot of what women find attractive in men is HOW THE MAN MAKES THEM FEEL. So, lead, be confident, be clear in your intent, be social, dress well, have good body language, make them laugh, etc….and you ARE more attractive. Sure, they look at you too…but it’s just part of your initial attraction. So, you do not need to be as physically attractive as the women you date. Internet dating can be different because it forces women to date like men…meaning that they have to to decide primarily based on looks (pictures).
  4. Competition. These guys worry about competition from other (presumably more attractive men) but really, you are only competing with yourself. You can drag yourself down and make sure you don’t get the girl. Or, you can work on improving yourself and your confidence.
  5. Rejection. They worry about rejection but it’s better for a woman who is inappropriate for you in any way to tell you she isn’t interested than waste your time with a “maybe.”
  6. Approaching. When you ask these men how often they approach women, it becomes clear that they don’t. You do have to talk to women to do well with them.

-Cuisine

 

 

You Get What You Feel You Deserve

Wednesday, April 27th, 2016

DESERVE itsthemnotyouThis is a common theme that I’ve been running into lately. Men figure what they think their physical attractiveness level is to gauge which women are within their league. So, they think they are average, so shouldn’t be going for women that are much more than average. So, a guy who thinks he is a 5, goes for 6s (maybe a 7, if she shows enough interest). Here is the thing: there is more to what makes a man attractive to women that physical looks. Besides physical attractiveness (which is subjective anyway), qualities like confidence, assertiveness, clearness of intent (this is HUGE), sense of humor, and the way the man treats her definitely contribute to “how he makes her feel,” which is HUGE with women. The man’s game, body language, outer game (including dress style) and approach can be quite important too.

Deal with your self-limiting beliefs. If you think you are too young, old, foreign, short, tall, thin, or heavy, then you effectively are! You ARE good enough! You DO deserve happiness!

I have a friend (who is brilliant and tall but chubby and doesn’t dress well) and I took him to an event and had him talk to a hot female friend who is a successful model. She liked him (it was obvious) but I had to force him to talk to her again before we left to get her number. I wouldn’t let him leave till he got it which he did (but his confidence level didn’t allow him to properly follow up). This was years ago, but the same guy last night told me (about the same woman) that “If I hooked up with a girl that hot, I’d be freaking out all the time that some hot rich lawyer was trying to shark me.” Remember that I know this woman, and f she was exclusively dating someone, she wouldn’t allow other men to “game her.” Plus, if she wanted a “hot rich lawyer,” she wouldn’t have been interested in my friend (who, by the way does have a successful career, he just isn’t hot, rich, or a lawyer). So, his self-limiting beliefs and lack of confidence stopped him from getting a very hot woman. He didn’t feel that he DESERVED her, so couldn’t truly pursue her.

And, a management-level coworker recently told me he can’t date beautiful women because he gets too jealous. You see the theme? He doesn’t feel he is good enough.

Be the best you that you can be and there are no “leagues.” Work on your inner, outer, and attraction game! Hit the gym. Maybe you can take an improv class. Some hot women will be into you and some won’t, and that is how it should be.

-Cuisine

Absolute Extrovert

Wednesday, April 29th, 2015

ExtrovertWe have a question from an online newbie asking for help on how to get girls if you are an “absolute extrovert” and “not smooth.”

Here is my reply:

Those who are very Extroverted often have a steeper learning curve at the beginning but more than make up for it later on since they enjoy (and get energy from) talking to people (including groups).

Learn to control energy, breathing, rate of speech, filter, and body language, and learn to read body language really well to correct when things are going off track (based on her reactions). You also want to prepare some stories about yourself (that include positive qualities women look for in a man and not negativity) so that you have a basis for what you are going to say so you don’t verbally derail yourself or say inappropriate things in set. Extroverts “speak to think” instead of “think to speak.”

If you can get a hold of season 2 of the Pickup Artist, pay special attention to Simeon, because he is an extreme extrovert and you can follow his journey. He started out AS he opened groups of women (so wasn’t getting into the groups).

You need to approach a ton of women. Try the 1000 set challenge or one of those books (like Rules of the Game) that walk you through the whole game process with challenges every day. The more women you open and game through the process, the more social intelligent (and smoother) you will become.

You may even want a more experienced guy or a coach to watch your sets and tell you what he sees, since you may not be able to “see” what you are doing wrong as far as body language and approach.

For body language, read: Superflirt, Superdate, You Say More Than You think.

-Cuisine

Blog Post on 50 Cheap Dates from Info Self Development

Wednesday, November 12th, 2014

I’ll list the first few below but click here for Info Self Development‘s complete article. It was written by Tatiana Michelet, who is based in London.

-Cuisine

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Relationships are a challenge to maintain, and it is widely held that faithfully holding “Date Night” each week is a key to keeping those home fires burning.

These days, however, dating can definitely be a strain on the budget. Whether you are married or dating, there is no need to resort to sneaking into the movie house through the back door, or ordering Happy Meals and putting a candle on the table in the Play Place.

Here are some ideas for cheap dates that are fun and unique ways to spend some quality time together.

 

1 – Picnic

Don’t underestimate the charm of an old-fashioned picnic. All you need to pack is a blanket, a few sandwiches, and some sodas. For a more romantic feel, don’t forget the champagne glasses, a chilled bottle of bubbly, and chocolate-dipped strawberries for dessert. Be sure to scope out a good location ahead of time; you will want it to be at least partially secluded, unless it’s a first date. In that case, try a local park.

 

2 – Field Trip

Many museums and art galleries offer free or discounted admissions at least one day a month. It will just seem like providence if you happen to show up with your girl on one of these days. Museums offer a wide variety of things to explore, but art museums tend to be quieter, without so many children. There is something about strolling through quiet hallways and secluded areas that makes a girl want to be kissed.

 

3 – Exploring

There are many places in town you have never even seen, from ethnic neighborhoods, or an abandoned theme park, to the rooftop of your own building. Do a little snooping on your own to find some exciting possibilities. On the day of your date, pack a lunch, remind her to dress in comfortable shoes, and head out. Don’t forget the flashlight, and possibly a map.

 

4 – Theme Date

Quirky dates not only show you are imaginative, they can be inexpensive. Women love it when you put some thought into your dates, and this is a great way to impress. Try dressing up in western or old-fashioned clothing, and going out to a country bar with swing dancing. If you don’t know how to swing dance, find out which night they offer lessons, and make that your first theme date. Another idea is to dress in 50s style clothing and hit the local 50s style diner, order hand made milkshakes, or Colas in those little bottles. You’ll be having so much fun, your date won’t even notice it costs you less than $20.

 

5 – Dinner In

Offer to cook dinner for your date. The ability to cook is always desirable in a man, and eating in is much less expensive than going to a nice restaurant. This may be a little intimidating for a first date, but is definitely a go-to for a third or fourth date.

 

6 – Cooking Classes

Check to see if there is a culinary school near you, and whether they offer one-night classes. These are popular dates in many communities, and provide a way to get to know each other while having fun. This lines you up to try out your new cooking skills with Dinner In.

 

7 – Downstream with a Paddle

Cock Block & AMOG Defense

Friday, September 19th, 2014

cock_block_by_akgaimer-d3ihft9Here is a the beginning of a longer question regarding cock blocks. Below it will be my response.

According to my friends I am the most cock blocked guy he has ever seen.

There are two types of cock blockers

  1. Hater gal pal who wants her friend to be as unhappy as she is
  2. Guy who likes the girl and is an orbiter

There are two cock blocking situations

  1. Cock blocking when you are in the process of opening/picking up
  2. Cock blocking after initial contact

-Cock Blocked

———————————————————

Dear Cock Blocked:

Some quick thoughts:

We call women who do this cock blocks, and men AMOGs (Alpha Male Of The Group).

– If you are running SOLID game and the girl is into you, she probably won’t let anyone pull her away or block you without giving you her number. I’ve had girls refuse to be pulled away and even tell their friends to go ahead (within the venue) and that she would catch up, or stop and give me their number. Work on your attraction game (including DHVs). You want her to LOOK like she is really into you because then her friends are less likely to interfere. This includes IOIs and body positioning.

– A lot of guys try to win the group over first so that the group doesn’t mess with you, although I probably do that without really thinking about it. So, I wouldn’t call it a conscious tactic of mine.

– Have you seen AMOG Battle on you tube by Asian Playboy? . It explains how to deal with guys (AMOGs) trying to take a girl from you. I was doing all of this prior to finding the video, but it is a good reference.

– Try using wings to occupy obstacles including potential cock blocks and AMOGs. Work body language reading skills, so that you can better read the situations you are in. That can often help you manage a problem before it happens (because you see it coming). Try reading Superflirt, Superdate, and You Say More Than You Think.

– BTW, Sometimes her friends block you because the girl in question has a boyfriend and it’s obvious that it is a pickup.

-Cuisine

The DC Area is Great for Guys!

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

This article is circulating about why DC sucks for guys. I do think it’s funny that he thinks there are too many Asian women here since many men are very into Asian women. He is probably just picking the wrong venues since I’ve only ever been to one venue that was overwhelmingly Asian (Lotus). Most of the time, when people say there aren’t enough attractive women around to approach, there is some “approach anxiety” involved (since they aren’t approaching the ones who are available and attractive). Also, if you don’t find enough women somewhere, try other venues.

Rather than tackle all the “self-limiting beliefs” (AKA If you believe it is so, it is for you) listed in the above article, below is my list of a few reasons why the DC area is great for guys.

1) The DC area has the highest female to male ratio in the United States. This includes Maryland (Bethesda and Rockville), DC, and Northern VA.

2) Daygame is great here. You can do street approaches in areas like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, Clarendon, which are all areas full of approachable young women. “Indirect playful” approaches work well here. You will probably receive less interference from other men in daygame than you would in a bar or night club, especially since many women go about their business during the day alone (or in small groups of women).  Street fairs are good venues for meeting women as well.

3) There are a ton of college students and college campuses here. Many people go to areas near the GW and Georgetown campuses to approach young (college age) women because of this. Cafes near universities tend to be hangouts for students as well.

4)This is a huge retail/shopping area. There are a ton of shopping areas in this area, and you can do well with both shoppers and store employees. Eastern Market and Pentagon City Mall combine street game with store, restaurant, and cafe approaches because as you bounce women around with you to different venues (stores, Eastern Market stands, cafes, etc.), they generally get more comfortable with you. And, stores contain props that you can use to start conversations.

5) This is a great city for socializing and networking. There are many social groups here including sports groups (WAKA and NAKID kickball, etc.) and meetup.com groups. There are companies such as Professionals in the City and Things To Do that plan singles events including mixers and speeddating events. And, many organizations host networking, charity, or political events. I’ve been to many events were more women than men. A good event list is Greg’s List DC.

6) There are enough venues in this area that you can definitely find a neighborhood with a few good bars to bounce between when you are approaching women. There are also many bars, restaurants, and cafes to bounce women to.

7) Internet dating is popular here on both free and pay sites. I used to set up 3 internet dates a day for a while, and could have scheduled more.

8) Ethnic/cultural  diversity is huge here (and yes, we have white girls). The DC area has an incredible selection of embassies here, many of which (such as France) plan various types of events. You can meet women from various countries at these events since people often attend the events of other embassies. There are also many venues to salsa dance or learn salsa dancing if you are into Latina women. You can also meet women from various countries at restaurants that feature the food of their countries (such as Russian women dining or working at Mari Vanna). Research the restaurants, dance clubs and events women of different countries attend.

9) There is a large enough PUA community here that you can find wings, without the community being (currently) large enough to be tripping over each other. That may change if they ever make a third season of the TV show, the Pickup Artist. 🙂

-Cuisine

5 Tips to Make It Easier For Men To Date You

Tuesday, February 12th, 2013

For the ladies, here are “5 tips to make it easier to date” from Harlan Cohen, a nationally syndicated advice columnist. Now he’s written the next “He’s Just NNakedDatingBannerNing3ot That Into You.”  Harlan’s helping millions of people say what they think and do what they feel so they can find the love of their lives. His new book Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding The Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober) tackles how taking risks can positively impact your dating life.

 

1. Put yourself in rooms and places where men can easily find you (online and offline). 

2. Say what you think and do what you feel  (but keep it clean).

3. Make eye contact and let a man catch you (but try not to stare, that can be creepy.

4. Ask friends, family, and coworkers to set you up with specific men who interest you.

5. Say “Hi,” ask  questions, and suggest getting together in the future (but let him ask you on a date).

They can be found on Harlan’s blog as well, http://ning.it/VM6xMe.

NerdWallet finds DC to be a Top City for Single Men!

Monday, February 4th, 2013

NerdWallet (a financial website) has crunched the numbers to find that DC is one of the best cities for single men. The city ranks among the top (after Baltimore and before Philly)  in these three major dating categories: odds, accessibility and affordability.

This link shows their findings and methodology. It’s funny, but they chose the categories in such a way that there findings are not wrong. They certainly are not showing the big picture, but, yes, there ARE more women than men here.

But, 12-inch Pizza Hut pizza and 6-pack of Heineken as the metric for a cheap date? Again, it isn’t wrong. Funny, but not wrong.

-Cuisine

The Green Peace Opener!

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

Pic courtesy of videobash.com.

I have never been a fan of what I call the “Green Peace” opener.

This has probably happened to you: someone approaches you in the street  and says “Excuse me, do you have time for the environment?” before trying to solicit donations from you that you have no intention of providing. It’s annoying and an interruption, and most of the time, people have (by Greenpeace) been conditioned to just walk away when they  hear the words “excuse me.”I’ve seen many students and coaches (of pickup up) do this same thing, saying “Excuse me” when opening women. It puts you in the target’s mind into the frame of being an interruption, which is not good.

Instead, it is better to open to them like a friend would with the word “hey.” “Hey, that blue is amazing on you. What shade is it, aqua? C’mon, you can tell me, you were a Crayola kid. Had the 128 box with the sharpener?” (This example is one of my personal openers, crayola kid.)

Green Peace has in recent years figured this out too, and now opens differently and opens differently now. Recently I hear them say “I know YOU have time for the environment.”

I am especially not a fan of someone opening with “excuse me” and then going direct, since it makes the opener less direct. An example is “Excuse me, I saw you and HAD to meet you.” If you are going to go direct, then go direct! “Hey, I saw you and HAD to meet you.”

-Cuisine

 

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Guy/Girl to Make His Space Date Friendly

Saturday, September 15th, 2012

I was recently put in touch with local Interior Designer, Elizabeth Rosendorf, president and owner of e.rose designs, who kindly offered to give us (and DC Life Magazine, where I run the dating column) some tips on making our abodes date friendly.

I’m going to add a few suggestions of my own, coed ideas that are less “designy.”  For me, being prepared has always helped me set up a good experience or save the night when something unexpected happens.  Ways to be prepared:

1)     Have ingredients and recipes (that you have tried) on hand so that you can whip up breakfast, lunch or dinner on a moment’s notice.  If you know someone is coming over for a meal, then you can plan better what you will be cooking, but if he or she just happened to come over after the movie (or wherever the date happens to be), it will be more on the fly.  It isn’t difficult to learn how to make a few good dishes. And, yes Elizabeth, it is good to have fruit on hand.

2)     Have specialty food items on hand. If you have gourmet or interestingly flavored items (chocolate, potato chips, ginger ale, cookies, iced tea, etc.), it can certainly add to the experience.  Many people are always looking to try new things, and it also shows that you either are adventurous or have good taste.  These items don’t have to be expensive—I often find interesting specialty food items at World Market, Trader Joe’s, or on sale at Whole Foods.

3)     Have ingredients and recipes handy to make good cocktails. Have some good or interesting wine and beer around as well.  I’ve gotten good beer suggestions from Arrowine in Arlington and the Beer Manager at Whole Foods Arlington, and any decent wine store can make good suggestions as well.

4)     Your local pharmacy is your friend. If your date needs Advil, Imodium AD, a toothbrush, etc., it would be helpful to have them handy before the date is ruined.  Just be prepared for the worst, and while you are at it, always have a first aid kit and fire extinguisher handy as well–I’ve had use for both on dates.  I’m assuming I don’t have to tell you to have condoms and such on hand.

5)     Have a good selection of DVDs as well.  You can invite him or her over to watch movies or can have an impromptu movie night.

-Cuisine

Here are Elizabeth’s separate lists of suggestions for men and women:

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Guy to Make His Space Girl Friendly

1)     Eliminate futons from your home. We know it’s tempting, because they’re convenient and inexpensive, but resist the urge to futon it up, because futons scream man cave. You don’t need to spend a fortune to get a sofa and/or bed, and you don’t need to buy anything super “designy.” If you don’t want to pay full price, buy off of Craig’s List. Your date will appreciate the effort, because sofas and beds are always more welcoming to a woman than a series of nondescript futons.

2)     Get rid of semi-broken and battered furniture. We know you love your arm chair, despite (or perhaps because of) the big rips in the upholstery, and the way it creaks when you crank out the foot rest, but your girlfriend will feel more comfortable if your furniture is in decent condition. It’s good to have lived in, comfortable furniture, but know the difference between broken in and just plain broken.

3)     Don’t let your entertainment center be the most eye catching decoration in your home. There’s nothing wrong with having a big, state-of-the art entertainment center, but add a few pictures or paintings on the walls. Which brings us to number 4:

4)     Blank walls are not welcoming. You don’t want to plaster your walls with images, but spend some time choosing paintings or pictures that represent you. Love soccer? Find a picture of your favorite soccer team. Close to your nieces and nephews? Put up a family montage. And remember to frame and hang everything. Posters tacked to the walls are the province of teenaged set.

5)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your place, add paint colors to the walls to break up the typical monotony of white/beige walls everywhere. You don’t need to paint every wall or every room. Decide what works for you. Color adds visual interest, and it will give your home a more individual feel.

6)     Stock your fridge with items other than beer. If you happen to enjoy beer, definitely keep some on hand, but put some other necessities in the fridge, like milk, eggs, fruit and yogurt, and keep some cereal in the pantry. You want to be able to offer your girlfriend breakfast in the morning. Which brings us to number 7:

7)     Get a decent set of matching dishes. Your girlfriend will appreciate it if the cereal bowls and the plates go together.

8)     Keep a few bottles of wine around even if you don’t drink it. Lots of women might enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or after, and they’ll feel more like they belong in your space if you have a bottle on hand. Make sure to stock a few wine glasses, too, so she isn’t stuck drinking wine out of a regular glass. Extra points if you buy a wine rack to hold your bottles.

9)     Get a set of book shelves for your books. I’ve seen a lot of guys just stack up their books in the corner, which creates clutter in their space, particularly when you have a lot of books, and the piles are starting to tip over.

10)    Get matching bed sheets to give your bedroom a more finished feel. Unmatched sheets are distracting, and a put together set will allow your girlfriend to focus on you, rather than the bedding.

Interior Design: Top 10 Ways for a Woman to Make Her Space Guy Friendly

1)     Balance girly touches with neutral colors and clean lines. If you put fluffy cushions on the couch, the couch itself should have smooth lines. If the cushions happen to be pink, go for an off white sofa.

2)     For a more dramatic contrast, go with a black sofa/living room chair set, which will make your girly cushions pop.

3)     In the bedroom, silky sheets in a light color are fantastic and add a feminine touch. A ruffled pink bedspread, not so much. You want your space to feel womanly but you also don’t want your guy to think he’s in “girl world”. Feminine highlights should be just that-highlights.

4)     If you’re naturally less girly, don’t be afraid to show it. There’s no law that says you need pastel or pink/purple highlights. On the other hand, a full on man cave look is not the best approach either. Pick a look that suits you and emphasizes your version of femininity.

5)     My favorite romantic bedroom touch: Hang a mosquito net over your bed and spread it out to surround the entire bed. Or staple colorful wall hangings to the ceiling over your bed to create an exotic feel. It makes your bedroom feel welcoming and feminine but not overwhelmingly so.

6)     If you have the flexibility in your lease, or you own your space, add color to the walls. Pick shades that you feel represent you to give your home an individual feel. Balance brightly colored walls with warm beiges or cool whites, depending on the shades you choose.

7)     Keep some beer in your fridge. Maybe you drink it, too, but even if you don’t, lots of guys do, so it’s best to be prepared.

8)     Buy a few beer steins so if your date does drink beer, he isn’t stuck drinking it out of a wine glass. Extra points if you keep a cool bottle opener on hand.

9)     Keep a few modern vases around your space so you’ll be prepared in case a date gives you flowers. There is nothing more awkward than getting flowers on a date and having to lay them on the table due to a lack of vases. Alternatively, buy flowers for yourself and have fun showing them off in your vases.

10)    Add some pictures and paintings to your walls that represent who you are. Have a favorite football team? Love dance? Put up pictures and paintings that show your world.

Elizabeth’s Bio: Elizabeth Rosendorf, president and owner of e.rose designs, draws on a wealth of experience to provide personal styling, interior design, graphic design, and architectural 3D modeling solutions. She holds a Masters of Interior Design from the Corcoran College of Art + Design, and she has built on her interiors base to develop expertise in graphics, fashion, and 3D modeling. Her philosophy is that the desired design and style exist within the client, and it is her goal to draw this design out and articulate it through her work. Rather than simply placing a solution on her client, she seeks to find the solution within the customer, and then give it form. Her design sensibilities are informed by her upbringing in Washington, DC and by her time spent studying and working in France and Germany, and traveling through Europe. She is devoted to promoting sustainability, and is a Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design Accredited Professional (LEED AP).