Archive for the ‘Coaching’ Category

Answers, Not Questions

Sunday, October 8th, 2017

Alright, so I get a LOT of questions, so here are (at least a portion of) the last 15 answers. You should be able to fill the questions in.

– If you think you can’t do something (aren’t good enough), for you it’s true. It’s called a self-limiting belief and you must demolish it and work on your confidence. You are (good) enough!

– Similar question. If you think you are too short, tall, old, young, fat, etc., for you it’s true. It’s called a self-limiting belief and you must demolish it and work on your confidence.

– You’re goals shouldn’t change based on the woman. If you are looking for a girlfriend or wife, look (screen) for women with the qualities you’d want for a serious relationship. If you aren’t attracted to a woman, don’t bother dating her since it’s a waste of  your and her time. Know your goals and have standards.

– You know where you live better than I do (especially since you aren’t naming the city), so you can google actual day game options. I can’t talk about an imaginary city but look for busy coffeehouses, cafes, happy hours festivals, malls, etc. In your age range, try college campuses and the places college kids hangout.

– Yes, I’m still coaching; Washington, DC area.

– Stop trying to get your ex back and work on yourself. You can do better. Move on.

– For body language/flirting, read Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox. For seduction, Art of seduction by Robert Greene.

– Sure, shopping malls can be great for day game, just choose one that has a large selection of women of the appropriate type or age. Right, bookstores generally aren’t what they used to be for approaching.

– Approach many women, many times a week.

– If you’re friends are interfering with you talking to women, go out without them when you will be approaching. You can also cultivate new wings.

– If she isn’t into you, move on.

– Really, your brother’s GF? That’s a no fly zone.

– Sure, speed dating is great if it’s a large event with many women to meet. I would bother attending to just meet 8 women, many of which you might not be attracted to.

– You need to approach women you are attracted to and often. Don’t just wait for them to approach you.

– I think you are looking for a football website.


Men who think they aren’t good looking enough…

Thursday, July 20th, 2017

A very common topic in seduction forums is men saying that they are not physically attractive enough to get a girlfriend. And when they share their pictures, their looks obviously aren’t the problem. What are the problems here?

  1. Confidence and self-limiting beliefs. You are good looking enough! You are ENOUGH! Enough to reach whatever your goals are. Work on confidence and improving yourself and get out there and approach and practice your social skills. Assume attraction. If you assuming you aren’t X, Y or Z enough, it’s true for you and a self-limiting belief that is holding you back. You don’t want to create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy.
  2. Body language reading skills. They say women never show interest but these men don’t know how to read interest. I recommend Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox to better learn to read the body language of flirting and dating. Apparently Superflirt is even a free app for iPhone. I haven’t tried the app though.
  3. Attraction in men vs. women. Men generally can tell from a quick look at a  woman whether of not they are attracted — it is visual. A lot of what women find attractive in men is HOW THE MAN MAKES THEM FEEL. So, lead, be confident, be clear in your intent, be social, dress well, have good body language, make them laugh, etc….and you ARE more attractive. Sure, they look at you too…but it’s just part of your initial attraction. So, you do not need to be as physically attractive as the women you date. Internet dating can be different because it forces women to date like men…meaning that they have to to decide primarily based on looks (pictures).
  4. Competition. These guys worry about competition from other (presumably more attractive men) but really, you are only competing with yourself. You can drag yourself down and make sure you don’t get the girl. Or, you can work on improving yourself and your confidence.
  5. Rejection. They worry about rejection but it’s better for a woman who is inappropriate for you in any way to tell you she isn’t interested than waste your time with a “maybe.”
  6. Approaching. When you ask these men how often they approach women, it becomes clear that they don’t. You do have to talk to women to do well with them.




You Get What You Feel You Deserve

Wednesday, April 27th, 2016

DESERVE itsthemnotyouThis is a common theme that I’ve been running into lately. Men figure what they think their physical attractiveness level is to gauge which women are within their league. So, they think they are average, so shouldn’t be going for women that are much more than average. So, a guy who thinks he is a 5, goes for 6s (maybe a 7, if she shows enough interest). Here is the thing: there is more to what makes a man attractive to women that physical looks. Besides physical attractiveness (which is subjective anyway), qualities like confidence, assertiveness, clearness of intent (this is HUGE), sense of humor, and the way the man treats her definitely contribute to “how he makes her feel,” which is HUGE with women. The man’s game, body language, outer game (including dress style) and approach can be quite important too.

Deal with your self-limiting beliefs. If you think you are too young, old, foreign, short, tall, thin, or heavy, then you effectively are! You ARE good enough! You DO deserve happiness!

I have a friend (who is brilliant and tall but chubby and doesn’t dress well) and I took him to an event and had him talk to a hot female friend who is a successful model. She liked him (it was obvious) but I had to force him to talk to her again before we left to get her number. I wouldn’t let him leave till he got it which he did (but his confidence level didn’t allow him to properly follow up). This was years ago, but the same guy last night told me (about the same woman) that “If I hooked up with a girl that hot, I’d be freaking out all the time that some hot rich lawyer was trying to shark me.” Remember that I know this woman, and f she was exclusively dating someone, she wouldn’t allow other men to “game her.” Plus, if she wanted a “hot rich lawyer,” she wouldn’t have been interested in my friend (who, by the way does have a successful career, he just isn’t hot, rich, or a lawyer). So, his self-limiting beliefs and lack of confidence stopped him from getting a very hot woman. He didn’t feel that he DESERVED her, so couldn’t truly pursue her.

And, a management-level coworker recently told me he can’t date beautiful women because he gets too jealous. You see the theme? He doesn’t feel he is good enough.

Be the best you that you can be and there are no “leagues.” Work on your inner, outer, and attraction game! Hit the gym. Maybe you can take an improv class. Some hot women will be into you and some won’t, and that is how it should be.


When and how to Open Direct (Day or Night Game)!

Sunday, December 7th, 2014

directI talked about approaching in my post about the Greenpeace Opener, including:

Don’t open with “excuse me” or “I know this is random but… .”

I often start with “Hey…” but you don’t always need to tack something in front of the opener. People use “I know this is random” with direct openers, but it minimizes the directness of the approach. So, either go direct or don’t, but don’t minimize a  direct approach. A direct approach SHOULD be direct by design. As far as “excuse me,” it puts you in the frame of having interrupted her like Greenpeace or other people asking for money…which often makes people become defensive. I know a people who open with “oh my god” and then the opener, and it’s fine.

What is a direct opener? A direct opener shows (sexual) interest in her from the beginning.


1) I saw you and I had to meet you.

2) You are f-ing Adorable!

3) You are the cutest/coolest woman here!

4) I’d kick myself if I didn’t come over and meet you.


1) You are clear in your intentions.

2) Extremely confident opener.

3) Saves time since you don’t waste time on girls that would have been no’s anyway.

4) You get occasional VERY strong positive responses.


1) Your blow out (hell no) rate is much higher than with an indirect playful opener.

2) You blow out with some women you could have done well with if  an indirect playful opener was used.

What do I mean by playful indirect? Open with humor, teasing or banter.

So, when should you use direct openers? If you are getting IOIs (Indications Of Interest, which in this case are body language interest/flirting signals), she is already attracted to you, so open direct. Otherwise, open indirect playful. This gives you a better chance with girls who already like you (with direct) and a better chance with girls who might need some attraction triggers (like humor) to decide. Some good body language books for IOIs are Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox.

In contrast, here are some indirect playful opener examples:

Crayola Kid (see the above link)

Some of the Pickup 101 Banter Deck cards are ok as openers. “Hey my eyes are up here” (if she looks at your pendant or shirt) is my favorite PU101 banter line.

I make ridiculous/funny accusations. Girls with laptops just outbid me on Ebay on fuzzy bunny slippers. Girls with cell phones are playing Angry Birds and “This is an Angry Birds free zone…there was an incident 2 months ago and it was ugly, but you can play Candy Crush.”

I ask for restaurants or menu items (or Starbucks drinks) that “don’t suck.” Or I ask for their 2nd favorite (whatever) and bust them on it…saying that was their favorite, but I want her 2nd favorite. She then qualified herself to me.

In a bar, I tell women who are trying to pass me that “I charge $1 each way, but maybe I’ll give you a round trip discount.” But, if she is drink or has to go to the bathroom badly…she may blow you out.


Discovering Knowledge on Listening and Taking Action

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

Editor’s note: Here is an article a long time friend and coaching partner of mine (Discovering Knowledge) has written for



As a hypnotist and dating coach, I have noticed a number of mistakes that men make when it comes to approaching, talking to and engaging women that they either want to date or seek a more permanent relationship with.

As an example, if you play poker, you know that much of the game is based on your starting cards, but they are not the only or even the most important part of the game.  You have to be aware of your opponent and be able to read the board and the opponent, and delete any extra information that is not of value to you.  At the same time, you want to use all of these things against your opponent.

Imagine the following: you are watching a poker game, the dealer hands out the cards and everyone but 2 players are out.  The dealer puts out the first 3 cards, the first player to act throws out a huge bet, and instantly the 2nd player announces a “raise,” which often means that the player raising feels he has a very strong hand.  The raise is made and the game continues.

The next card shows up, the same 2 players are still in and the first player again throws out a bigger bet than before and instantly, the 2nd player raises again.  At this point, the amount of the pot is very healthy and the final card show up.  The first player to act is down to his last 8,000 chips and throws out 3,000 (which is a respectable bet at this point) and again, the other player raises his bet to put the first player “all in” and possibly ending his tournament.

You can imagine the tension that the first player is under; he has been pushed from the flop, all the way to the final card.  He has a powerful/big hand, but now he is uncertain and the 2nd player acts on that. The 2nd players talks a big game and acts with confidence and certainty.

The first player throws out his hand in disgust and the hand, when paired with the board, was 3 queens and 2 fours.  In poker, this is called a full house and very few hands can beat it.

MEN, pay attention to this.  This is literally what you do when you are trying to get a woman to talk to you, give you her number, go out with you, giveyou a kiss and possible more.  You are behaving like the first player.  You have a very strong hand, but then you talk yourself out of it.  You start to wonder about her, why is she interested in you?   What if you saw a prettier woman?  What if…

Here is some advice that has worked with hundreds of men.  Once you focus on the value that you have and the needs of women, you have become the 2nd player in our example and you are no longer concerned about what the “dealer,” “the universe” and “life” throws your way.  You understand that you take your skills and use them.  Will you always win?  No.  Will you win more often than you are winning now?  Yes!

First:  Expect to win!  Here is a secret that few men act on.

Women who want men, like men.

If you were not aware of this fact, go back and reread it.  You have a huge advantage in that women like you, not just as the person that you are, but simply because you are a man and they crave that male energy.  I don’t mean this “like” the way men are sexually focused on women.  Women really want to know you, get what you are about, why you act this way or how you feel about this or that.  This is part of why women drive men crazy with wanting to talk.  They need to get more of what they like, sound familiar?

Second:  Have something to share from your life.

I know that you have access to books and vids that are full of “openers” and “negs” and much more.  When you memorize lines and don’t add your personal energy to them, they come across as lines.  Cuisine and I have been teaching men how to use “themes” of attraction to have the stories of your life ready to share with the women you are interested in.

I use hypnotic language patterns.  These are secret patterns that have been used/banned in some areas because of how powerful they can be when used correctly.  Bill Clinton, Barak Obama and many politicians use these types of patterns in their speeches because they work and they control the masses.  You too, can now learn and use these types of patterns to create the intimacy, connection and hopefully a long lasting romance.  Please don’t expect you to have this information available to you, unless you take one my workshops, classes or become a private client.


Listen, listen, listen.  It’s not what you say that will get you the date, it’s how well you listen to her.  One of the most annoying characteristics of humans is the ability to hear a person’s name and instantly forget it.  How do you feel when you tell someone your name and they start calling you “bud” or “friend” or some other word that says, “I forgot your name and don’t care enough to ask you to repeat it”?  When she tells you details about her life and you don’t hear them or you simply forget them, she will feel most likely feel that you are just trying to manipulate her or worse.

Remember this the next time you are talking to a woman, listen.  She might just go out with you simply because you listened.  By the way, listening is done with your ears, your eyes and your body.  Pay attention to any hints or suggestions your intuition throws your way.  If you feel the moment to hold her hand is there, go for it.  If you want to ask for her number, do it.

To finish the poker story, the 2nd player never showed his hand but announced that he had a “king high” which if it was accurate, was a loosing hand all the way from the start.  When you start the conversation, you already have a strong hand.  It is up to you to either close the deal or allow the fear of the “what ifs” to keep you from the happiness and the woman you deserve.

The only way you can take a random conversation from a meeting to a relationship is to listen and take action!  Your most powerful asset as a man is your ability to be competitive and go for what you want.  Most women crave that in the man they will eventually give themselves to.

You can reach me at with any questions or to clarify any of the information above.

Oscar (AKA Discovering Knowledge)
Hypnotist and Dating Coach

The DC Area is Great for Guys!

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

This article is circulating about why DC sucks for guys. I do think it’s funny that he thinks there are too many Asian women here since many men are very into Asian women. He is probably just picking the wrong venues since I’ve only ever been to one venue that was overwhelmingly Asian (Lotus). Most of the time, when people say there aren’t enough attractive women around to approach, there is some “approach anxiety” involved (since they aren’t approaching the ones who are available and attractive). Also, if you don’t find enough women somewhere, try other venues.

Rather than tackle all the “self-limiting beliefs” (AKA If you believe it is so, it is for you) listed in the above article, below is my list of a few reasons why the DC area is great for guys.

1) The DC area has the highest female to male ratio in the United States. This includes Maryland (Bethesda and Rockville), DC, and Northern VA.

2) Daygame is great here. You can do street approaches in areas like Dupont Circle, Georgetown, Clarendon, which are all areas full of approachable young women. “Indirect playful” approaches work well here. You will probably receive less interference from other men in daygame than you would in a bar or night club, especially since many women go about their business during the day alone (or in small groups of women).  Street fairs are good venues for meeting women as well.

3) There are a ton of college students and college campuses here. Many people go to areas near the GW and Georgetown campuses to approach young (college age) women because of this. Cafes near universities tend to be hangouts for students as well.

4)This is a huge retail/shopping area. There are a ton of shopping areas in this area, and you can do well with both shoppers and store employees. Eastern Market and Pentagon City Mall combine street game with store, restaurant, and cafe approaches because as you bounce women around with you to different venues (stores, Eastern Market stands, cafes, etc.), they generally get more comfortable with you. And, stores contain props that you can use to start conversations.

5) This is a great city for socializing and networking. There are many social groups here including sports groups (WAKA and NAKID kickball, etc.) and groups. There are companies such as Professionals in the City and Things To Do that plan singles events including mixers and speeddating events. And, many organizations host networking, charity, or political events. I’ve been to many events were more women than men. A good event list is Greg’s List DC.

6) There are enough venues in this area that you can definitely find a neighborhood with a few good bars to bounce between when you are approaching women. There are also many bars, restaurants, and cafes to bounce women to.

7) Internet dating is popular here on both free and pay sites. I used to set up 3 internet dates a day for a while, and could have scheduled more.

8) Ethnic/cultural  diversity is huge here (and yes, we have white girls). The DC area has an incredible selection of embassies here, many of which (such as France) plan various types of events. You can meet women from various countries at these events since people often attend the events of other embassies. There are also many venues to salsa dance or learn salsa dancing if you are into Latina women. You can also meet women from various countries at restaurants that feature the food of their countries (such as Russian women dining or working at Mari Vanna). Research the restaurants, dance clubs and events women of different countries attend.

9) There is a large enough PUA community here that you can find wings, without the community being (currently) large enough to be tripping over each other. That may change if they ever make a third season of the TV show, the Pickup Artist. 🙂


The Friend Zone

Wednesday, August 7th, 2013

friend zoneI am seeing a lot of email subjects/titles about “getting out of the friend zone” when really you want to avoid getting in the zone in the first place. You want to work on your game so that you are not the type of guy who gets routinely friend zoned. If you are not displaying the characteristics women find attractive in men and/or are not showing clear intention (and sexualizing), you are likely to get friend zoned. Without clear intention, they may think you are not interested or even gay. I’m considering writing about this in more depth.

I wrote an article about friend zoning women here:

P.S., I’ve been so busy coaching and with other projects that I haven’t been updating this webpage regularly. In the last week, I have had a number of requests for more content and for coaching information, so thanks for the reminder guys. I’ll see what I can do about writing again soon. And, keep your comments and questions coming.


I’ll be Coaching at the Global Pickup Conference in DC May 17-19!

Sunday, March 10th, 2013

Check out the DC GPC! I’ll be coaching daygame at the conference! Mehow, John Keegan, Speer, and Brad P are some of the speakers this year!

These May dates are a reschedule from March–the GPC webpage needs to be updated with the new dates.



The Green Peace Opener!

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

Pic courtesy of

I have never been a fan of what I call the “Green Peace” opener.

This has probably happened to you: someone approaches you in the street  and says “Excuse me, do you have time for the environment?” before trying to solicit donations from you that you have no intention of providing. It’s annoying and an interruption, and most of the time, people have (by Greenpeace) been conditioned to just walk away when they  hear the words “excuse me.”I’ve seen many students and coaches (of pickup up) do this same thing, saying “Excuse me” when opening women. It puts you in the target’s mind into the frame of being an interruption, which is not good.

Instead, it is better to open to them like a friend would with the word “hey.” “Hey, that blue is amazing on you. What shade is it, aqua? C’mon, you can tell me, you were a Crayola kid. Had the 128 box with the sharpener?” (This example is one of my personal openers, crayola kid.)

Green Peace has in recent years figured this out too, and now opens differently and opens differently now. Recently I hear them say “I know YOU have time for the environment.”

I am especially not a fan of someone opening with “excuse me” and then going direct, since it makes the opener less direct. An example is “Excuse me, I saw you and HAD to meet you.” If you are going to go direct, then go direct! “Hey, I saw you and HAD to meet you.”



How To Put A Woman In The Friendzone (Let’s Just Be Friends)

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

I was recently this question:

It is difficult to know whether there will be chemistry on an Internet date. If I meet a woman who I am only want to be friends with, how can I friend zone her?


This is a great question, and one I don’t often hear. Women and men do ask how to avoid the friendzone, and women ask how to put men in the zone, but men don’t usually ask about putting women in the zone.

Men generally know pretty quickly if they are not attracted to a woman. Whether you’ve met her on or offline, you just are not feeling it,but you’d like to hangout with her as friends in the future (without leading her on). What do you do? Friendzone her. But, you want to do it in a cool way.

Friendzoning A Woman:

*  In a social circle situation, you may HAVE to friendzone a woman and do it in a cool way so that she does not interfere with you pursuing other women in the circle. Reading books on flirting/body language (such as Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox) should be helpful, so that you realize early on if a woman is into you; this way you know there is an issue and can friendzone her before she gets too into you.

*  If it is a date, you obviously still do not want lead her on–act like her buddy. Get the meeting off of a “on a date” vibe to a “friends hanging out” vibe. Tell     her “I’m glad we met up. I’m always looking for cool new friends.”

*  Tell her that you might have friends who she’d like. By offering to set her up with friends (or even to bring her out with a group of your friends to see if she has chemistry with anyone), you are taking the focus off the possibility of the two of you actually dating.

*  Stick to your guns. If you try and friendzone her, she may try to talk you out of it or even sexually escalate you, but if you aren’t interested, it is better to just move on than to “settle.”