Day Gamer

It is funny, because this may seem like an AFC question (like “What do you do?”) when asked early on but I’m in a very transient city, where people are from everywhere and it gives me (with my food-based identity) an easy jumping point to talking about food.

Yesterday, I picked up a HB8.5 on the bus and (bounced to) metro. She just moved here from S. Cali. Easy jumping point to me telling stories about chili peppers, and to busting her…on CA people thinking Mex food sucks here. Easy transition to seeding and letter settign up a taco date. I generally don’t setup food as a first date, but this is really inexpensive and turns out the same price as meeting for drinks at a HH. And, it’s nearby.

A couple of days ago, a community long-timer (Let’s call him “Total-E”) gave an informal talk about Identity. Identity is one of my specialties.

I thought Total-E had some great information about bringing your identity to the next level by doing fun (and adventurous) things, and I’ve seen him grow in the community over several years (and am impressed). He said his identity is “martial-artist” and also told us stories about travel, bungee jumping, hanging from body hooks, etc. He recommended travel above all.

I realized immediately that Total-E had his identity wrong – too specific. He said his identity had been different until he got sick and couldn’t do whatever it was anymore. I asked if he broke a leg and couldn’t do martial arts…if his identity would change. He said no, that he would just tecah martial arts for 6 months. (Which WOULD be a different identity. ) So, I said…ok, if you coudln’t do it at all, would your identity change? He said yes.

I say no, martial artist isn’t Total-E’s identity, it’s a sub-identity. His identity is what makes him passionate about the martial arts…and travel, and bungee jumping, and other adventurous pursuits. His identity (or a large part of it) is ADVENTURER, and that won’t change if he drops the martial arts. Otherwise…he could tell a story about martial arts to a woman and she could hate the sport…and that would be a rejection of his identity (which is really bad). BUT, his identity is larger, and Ju Jitsu or Muay Thai or Karate is just a component of it. She doesn’t HAVE to be interested in the component to like or be attracted to him.

Think about what drives you. What is at your core? How would you decribe yourself…with a list of 20 words? What are your sub-identities or what are the different ways you express your identity?

After the talk, a participant (let’s call him “Feta”) asked me what I do to kick my identity up to the next level. Basically, that isn’t the model I’m using. I’m not an adventurer. My (2 component) identity is always there…and doesn’t need to be kicked up (like an adventurer’s.) Feta has a lot of identuty tied up in improving himself (only 1/2 was w/girls)…and that guy will always have to be looking for ways to improve himself and moving forward. Different identities…develop…in different ways. Mine is one that I use whenever I’m talking to people, although I use it other times as well.

What is mine? A story for another day I guess…..

Style’s video about opening direct.

Well, yeah, it is about value. That’s why guys with very strong outer game (looks/clothes) do so well at direct – the women are basically already attracted to them…or can decide instantly.  That said, yes, direct is a tool, and if it works for you, use it.  I do not think everyone should go direct on every approach…it is not for everyone.  I teach my clients various openers, including direct and indirect.

Vince spoke in DC a couple of nights ago (w/his wife present) and I was surprised at how personable he is.  He DHVs everyone, and is funny, and friendly.

He spoke about taking anything she says that may not be what you want (I have a b/f,  I don’t give my # out) as being perfect – exactly what you needed to get her.  Nice way at looking at possible DLVs or rejection.

Here is one of his lines (and the handout it came from):

Her: I don’t give my #.

You: That leaves us one option then – psychic communication. (Grab and hold her hands, look at her and smile.) No, not that kind of though you pervert. (Spank her playfully).

Here is the handout (small card) he gave us at his free talk:

vi

I have talked about social proof before – here, and here (hired guns).  Let’s talk about social proof some more.  In talking to hired guns, my wings, and random people, I have noticed that social proof (and showing a good sense of humor) often causes HBs to open me.  I was joking (in my limited Spanish) with the girl making my sandwich at a large Italian deli, and the HB8.5 (tall blond) waiting on line next to me laughed at my what I was saying.  This HB understood some Spanish. I took her laughing with us as an approach invitation (AI) and she responded with IOIs when I actually opened her.  I’ve also had women open me in this situation; I say something funny to someone else and they use it as an excuse to open me or AI me.  Vibe with everyone around you…it’s fun and it is social proof.