“Dating Leftovers”…My Response

My response to Best of Moxie – Online Dating Is Like Eating Leftovers:

I’ll add another wrinkle to this. Men and women do not date the same way.

For men, attraction is very visual…and immediate. They look at you, and are either attracted or not. If they aren’t sure (it’s a maybe)…it’s a huge red flag? Why don’t I know if she is attractive?

For women, attraction is more about how the man makes them feel. They can definitely pick out the one guy at a bar they are attracted to…but the amount of men that fit into that category is very small…and even then there are usually other things that are attached to it coloring how the women feel about the men such as positives such as whether the men are surrounded by women or leading men. Women are often dating men who fit into their “maybe” category visually. They may not even be able to get the men who fit into their “yes” category…since those men have more options and have to do less hunting.

How does internet dating play into this? For men…it’s the same. Attracted or not. For women…now they are being forced to be visual about attraction AND (depending on what they are looking for) still have to read profiles to see how the profile makes them feel. So, online, women are often turning down men who they would actually date if they met them in person first. And the men they are visually attracted to…have other options since plenty of women like them as well. Plus, women often have really bad profiles (negative or picky content and bad pictures)…and still get tons of messages, while knocking out some of the higher value men…who have other options. They may also be knocking out the more relationship oriented men.

Men can be older and heavier/shorter/less attractive that the original commenter might find attractive and still get very attractive women…because attraction for women is…as I have stated…less visual and more about how you make them feel.

If a woman looks at a dating site and feels the men are all unattractive she probably has an inflated value of what she brings to the table. Plus, she should try harder to meet people in person and be more open-minded about it.


Tags: ,