This is a recurring theme. I read a post on a message base about a guy who was having a hard time with a girl who was telling her friends he is her boyfriend, but that was not how he felt about the situation. They had never had “the talk.”
I want to talk about how to set it up next time, with the next girl, so this doesn’t happen again.
#1. Know your goals. If you are looking for FWBs, LTR, MLTR, a wife, a wife & kids, etc…you need to know what that goal is and be firm in it.
#2. Screen girls to make sure they match your goals. If you are a same day pull super casual sort and you are in a bar looking for a girl to take home that night…you can use the screening questions in Nick Quick’s (AKA Adonis) book (as an example). If she fails to answer one correctly (including logistics questions), move to the next girl, next girl, next girl, until you find the girl who is going to go home with you. You can easily come up with questions to screen for a serious girlfriend, future wife, future wife and mother of your kids, etc. This is done over the initial meeting and subsequent dates. But you CAN screen for casual vs serious on an initial meeting.
3. This is really done at same time as #2. Sub-communicate and communicate who you are and what you are looking for from the beginning. You are setting the frame and managing expectations. This is done before you even sleep w/her. Also, some girls, can go with a variety of goals, if you are leading her and clear. As an example, casual guys tell women “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” Or, if you treat a girl like a serious girlfriend (make a point of introduce her to your close friends/family, have a drawer for her at your house, make her breakfast, have traditional “dating-frame dates), that is what she thinks she is, even if you don’t talk about it (although she may push the conversation about being serious). It isn’t about one thing you do…its a combination of things that set the frame.
4. continue doing the other steps and sticking to your guns. They will test you. And if a girl isn’t buying the frame and that isn’t going to change, move on…and find a girl who wants what you want.