Archive for October, 2010

Dating Goals: How To Get The Right Girl!

Sunday, October 31st, 2010

This is a recurring theme. 🙂 I read a post on a message base about a guy who was having a hard time with a girl who was telling her friends he is her boyfriend, but that was not how he felt about the situation.  They had never had “the talk.”
I want to talk about how to set it up next time, with the next girl, so this doesn’t happen again.

#1. Know your goals.  If you are looking for FWBs, LTR, MLTR, a wife, a wife & kids, etc…you need to know what that goal is and be firm in it.

#2. Screen girls to make sure they match your goals.  If you are a same day pull super casual sort and you are in a bar looking for a girl to take home that night…you can use the screening questions in Nick Quick’s (AKA Adonis) book (as an example).  If she fails to answer one correctly (including logistics questions), move to the next girl, next girl, next girl, until you find the girl who is going to go home with you.   You can easily come up with questions to screen for a serious girlfriend, future wife, future wife and mother of your kids, etc. This is done over the initial meeting and subsequent dates. But you CAN screen for casual vs serious on an initial meeting.

3. This is really done at same time as #2.  Sub-communicate and communicate who you are and what you are looking for from the beginning.  You are setting the frame and managing expectations.  This is done before you even sleep w/her. Also, some girls, can go with a variety of goals, if you are leading her and clear.  As an example, casual guys tell women “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”  Or, if you treat a girl like a serious girlfriend (make a point of introduce her to your close friends/family, have a drawer for her at your house, make her breakfast, have traditional “dating-frame dates), that is what she thinks she is, even if you don’t talk about it (although she may push the conversation about being serious).  It isn’t about one thing you do…its a combination of things that set the frame.

4. continue doing the other steps and sticking to your guns. They will test you.  And if a girl isn’t buying the frame and that isn’t going to change, move on…and find a girl who wants what you want.


Bad Dating Business Concept

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

What is a Greenlight Card?

A modern incarnation of the Victorian calling card. An alternative way of introducing yourself to someone you’d like to meet. A fusion of Victorian nicety and contemporary necessity.

The member chooses, based on that age-old feeling of “chemistry” at a given moment, to whom they present their card…thereby giving that recipient the “Greenlight” to get in touch. If the recipient is interested, they visit the website, enter the Member Number printed on the card, tell us where to send the contact info and, within minutes, the texting, emailing or phone correspondence can begin. It’s that simple!

My problem with this is that men need to build up their skill actually approaching and initiating conversations, leading to getting a number and setting a date up. Approaching and then handing her a card and leaving, so that she has to now take the initiative…won’t work very well.  The women won’t follow through and will wonder why you didn’t just talk to them. Plus, guys with really bad approach anxiety probably hand approach and hand out a card anyway.

For women, if they actually hand the card to someone, it might work, because the guy may then take the lead. But, often, the women who are aggressive enough to initiate in a society where attractive women get approached quite often, do so because they aren’t getting approached. Those women may not get the best response through Greenlight Card either.

I can see it working for gays…as a screening tool.  I can also see a guy running a marathon and handing the cards out there.  I can also see giving them to hired guns (employees) if their coworkers bosses, or customers are around…but you can also make up fun business cards that would work better. In my case, I use a food-themed card which links to my food website, so it highlights my identity.

In general, response rate will be lower than getting a phone # from a woman, so one deck of these cards won’t get a guy very far.

This concept was created by people who do not understand male/female dating dynamics. They are using test feedback to let them know how it is working, which in the case is very limited and biased.  They need statistics on how often people actually got dates through this (as a % of cards handed out), and testimonials.

Also, they are anti-internet dating, and they are marketing this for people who don’t like internet dating, which is a mistake; it is highlighting negativity and possibly recruiting negative people. Market it to people who want to try something new and fun.