Who should pay for a date?

Both male and female clients have been asking me who should pay for beginning (first, second, maybe third) dates.

The problem:

Many women will offer to split the check on a beginning date.  Some will take offense and not see you again if you don’t pay for the whole check even if they offer to pay part.  Many women are screening men (out) for cheapness. Some women insist that a man let’s her share the cost. I’ve even had women insist on paying for a first or second date.  There is no consistency.

What do I tell men?

Schedule things that are free (zoo, wander eastern market, museums. etc) or inexpensive like drinks (during a happy hour) or coffee and pay for it all.  If it goes well, you can then bounce to food, drinks, coffee, dessert etc…but by then you know you are doing fine and want more time (and bouncing helps w/comfort).  I don’t recommend starting w/dinner since you now have to pay and spend 1.5 hours with a girl you may turn out not to meet your standards one way or another.  You can also do a second date free or inexpensively (take her for a hike or cook for her in your place). Also, cheap ethnic dive restaurants work if you can sell it as the best tacos (or whatever) around.  usually by the 3rd date…many women (especially the more professional ones) will split the check with you and mean it when they offer (they’ll be more insistent).

Keep in mind that it is better to be someone who gets girls through personality and game than someone who gets girls through status/money.  A cute gold digger…is still a gold digger. 🙂  Besides, when you get as many dates as we do, it is good to keep expenses down, especially early on with a particular girl.

In a relationship, I do believe we should both contribute somehow (assuming she has the means).  Some of the younger or less professional women do expect you always to pay, but they may not have the means to contribute.

What did I tell a class full of women Thursday evening when they asked who should pay?

Female student:  “who should pay, the man or the woman?

Me: “Would it bother you if you offered to contribute something towards the 1st date and he accepted?”

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “You need to be honest in your actions.  Men get conflicting responses to this.  If you don’t want him to accept, don’t offer to contribute.  If you want to contribute, you can offer.  You can also let him pay for dinner but tell him you are taking him for dessert (or its on you next time) if you want to contribute but don’t like the “halvsies” idea. ”

I don’t like the mindset that some women have that “the person who asks the other out pays” because it is men doing the asking out.  Take turns planning and paying for dates and I’m ok with it.