“What qualifies as an error in the minds of most normal people counts to you as a resounding success. What makes the difference?”
This is from the Express. Horoscpes don’t usually end in questions. But yes, it has to do with framing, and knowing what one’s goals are. If you don’t know what I was trying to do, it may have been a success instead of an error. 
-Cuisine
Pros In The City hosts tons of social events, including speeddating, dating lectures, and mixers. Enter the code “lair” to save $5. I prefer the speeddating events at K Street Lounge.
-Cuisine
I recently had a client tell me that his female friends won’t help him with girls. They tell him they won’t help him FC. It’s all framing…your friends shoud like you and want you to succeed (at business, in your relationships, etc). Frame it as you looking for a girlfriend…and then if you talk to girls, they should be ok with it. And, they should never interfere with you talking to girls. That is why we don’t use ex g/fs or girls with crushes on us as pivots (girls who help us with other girls). If they are getting in your way, that relationship needs to be re-evelauated or the person needs to be talked to about it. Same thing if male friends are AMOG’ing you.
Also, you can help your pivots with guys – in the field or with friends.
I generally frame PU as a journey of self improvement, and noways…I frame myself as a coach (someone out to help people who this journay).
Soem naturals will AMOG even if they are your friends. I have one who does it but he can’t stop me from pulling. If a friend is holding you back, don’t take him to places where you want to talk to girls. You want cool wingmen you vibe with, and you will then help each other with women.
I now own the domain Dclair.com, and am taking offers. So if you have a lair (you know who you are) and want to redirect the name, or chage your name. Or, maybe you want to start a lair in Washington DC. The original Dclair couldn’t get this name (because someone was sitting on it) so they used (originaldclair.com); they are currently defunct anyway. DC Lair was the oldest lair in the country.
If not, I can redirect it here or start a general blog for it. I have no plans to ressurect the lair itself.
This is from a business (not dating) site, but it is still useful for dating, since the tips are mostly universal. Here is #1:
1. A Closed Body
Whether sitting or standing, your body should be loose and open. Do not cross your arms. Do not cross your legs. While you may think it conveys a sense of ease, studies have shown that a people read a closed body differently: they subconsciously think you have something to hide.
What’s more, you’re missing a golden opportunity to send a positive signal. In keeping your body open and your arms spread a little more widely than your torso, you offer your counterpart a “mock hug”. You don’t want to actually hug them (that could be mistake #11!), but this visual cue of a hug antecedent sends the right signal.
It is funny, because this may seem like an AFC question (like “What do you do?”) when asked early on but I’m in a very transient city, where people are from everywhere and it gives me (with my food-based identity) an easy jumping point to talking about food.
Yesterday, I picked up a HB8.5 on the bus and (bounced to) metro. She just moved here from S. Cali. Easy jumping point to me telling stories about chili peppers, and to busting her…on CA people thinking Mex food sucks here. Easy transition to seeding and letter settign up a taco date. I generally don’t setup food as a first date, but this is really inexpensive and turns out the same price as meeting for drinks at a HH. And, it’s nearby.
I’m having a free daygame talk in DC on a weekday evening in a couple of weeks. Email me for info and to RSVP at cuisine@daygamer.net.
-Cuisine
A couple of days ago, a community long-timer (Let’s call him “Total-E”) gave an informal talk about Identity. Identity is one of my specialties.
I thought Total-E had some great information about bringing your identity to the next level by doing fun (and adventurous) things, and I’ve seen him grow in the community over several years (and am impressed). He said his identity is “martial-artist” and also told us stories about travel, bungee jumping, hanging from body hooks, etc. He recommended travel above all.
I realized immediately that Total-E had his identity wrong – too specific. He said his identity had been different until he got sick and couldn’t do whatever it was anymore. I asked if he broke a leg and couldn’t do martial arts…if his identity would change. He said no, that he would just tecah martial arts for 6 months. (Which WOULD be a different identity. ) So, I said…ok, if you coudln’t do it at all, would your identity change? He said yes.
I say no, martial artist isn’t Total-E’s identity, it’s a sub-identity. His identity is what makes him passionate about the martial arts…and travel, and bungee jumping, and other adventurous pursuits. His identity (or a large part of it) is ADVENTURER, and that won’t change if he drops the martial arts. Otherwise…he could tell a story about martial arts to a woman and she could hate the sport…and that would be a rejection of his identity (which is really bad). BUT, his identity is larger, and Ju Jitsu or Muay Thai or Karate is just a component of it. She doesn’t HAVE to be interested in the component to like or be attracted to him.
Think about what drives you. What is at your core? How would you decribe yourself…with a list of 20 words? What are your sub-identities or what are the different ways you express your identity?
After the talk, a participant (let’s call him “Feta”) asked me what I do to kick my identity up to the next level. Basically, that isn’t the model I’m using. I’m not an adventurer. My (2 component) identity is always there…and doesn’t need to be kicked up (like an adventurer’s.) Feta has a lot of identuty tied up in improving himself (only 1/2 was w/girls)…and that guy will always have to be looking for ways to improve himself and moving forward. Different identities…develop…in different ways. Mine is one that I use whenever I’m talking to people, although I use it other times as well.
What is mine? A story for another day I guess….. 
Style’s video about opening direct.
Well, yeah, it is about value. That’s why guys with very strong outer game (looks/clothes) do so well at direct – the women are basically already attracted to them…or can decide instantly. That said, yes, direct is a tool, and if it works for you, use it. I do not think everyone should go direct on every approach…it is not for everyone. I teach my clients various openers, including direct and indirect.
Vince spoke in DC a couple of nights ago (w/his wife present) and I was surprised at how personable he is. He DHVs everyone, and is funny, and friendly.
He spoke about taking anything she says that may not be what you want (I have a b/f, I don’t give my # out) as being perfect – exactly what you needed to get her. Nice way at looking at possible DLVs or rejection.
Here is one of his lines (and the handout it came from):
Her: I don’t give my #.
You: That leaves us one option then – psychic communication. (Grab and hold her hands, look at her and smile.) No, not that kind of though you pervert. (Spank her playfully).
Here is the handout (small card) he gave us at his free talk:
vi
