You Get What You Feel You Deserve

DESERVE itsthemnotyouThis is a common theme that I’ve been running into lately. Men figure what they think their physical attractiveness level is to gauge which women are within their league. So, they think they are average, so shouldn’t be going for women that are much more than average. So, a guy who thinks he is a 5, goes for 6s (maybe a 7, if she shows enough interest). Here is the thing: there is more to what makes a man attractive to women that physical looks. Besides physical attractiveness (which is subjective anyway), qualities like confidence, assertiveness, clearness of intent (this is HUGE), sense of humor, and the way the man treats her definitely contribute to “how he makes her feel,” which is HUGE with women. The man’s game, body language, outer game (including dress style) and approach can be quite important too.

Deal with your self-limiting beliefs. If you think you are too young, old, foreign, short, tall, thin, or heavy, then you effectively are! You ARE good enough! You DO deserve happiness!

I have a friend (who is brilliant and tall but chubby and doesn’t dress well) and I took him to an event and had him talk to a hot female friend who is a successful model. She liked him (it was obvious) but I had to force him to talk to her again before we left to get her number. I wouldn’t let him leave till he got it which he did (but his confidence level didn’t allow him to properly follow up). This was years ago, but the same guy last night told me (about the same woman) that “If I hooked up with a girl that hot, I’d be freaking out all the time that some hot rich lawyer was trying to shark me.” Remember that I know this woman, and f she was exclusively dating someone, she wouldn’t allow other men to “game her.” Plus, if she wanted a “hot rich lawyer,” she wouldn’t have been interested in my friend (who, by the way does have a successful career, he just isn’t hot, rich, or a lawyer). So, his self-limiting beliefs and lack of confidence stopped him from getting a very hot woman. He didn’t feel that he DESERVED her, so couldn’t truly pursue her.

And, a management-level coworker recently told me he can’t date beautiful women because he gets too jealous. You see the theme? He doesn’t feel he is good enough.

Be the best you that you can be and there are no “leagues.” Work on your inner, outer, and attraction game! Hit the gym. Maybe you can take an improv class. Some hot women will be into you and some won’t, and that is how it should be.


Love at First Site, the Interview

Erika EttinErika Ettin is a local business owner and author who specialized in helping her clients be successful at online dating. Her business is called A Little Nudge and her book is entitled Love At First Site. I met Erika a number of years ago through a dating site and recently interviewed her for DC Life Magazine. She is friendly and charming.

C: “In what way does your advice differ between male and female clients?” (I asked this question because the dating advice and profile help that I give clients does differ between the sexes.)

E: “I give the same advice to men and women: be yourself and you will attract the right person.”

C: “What suggestions do you have for the first date for avoiding being friend zoned?”

E: “Start and end with a hug, not a handshake. Sit side-by-side or catty-corner. Don’t lead with talking about work, but instead lead with fun topics; it should not feel like an interview.” (I agree with her about topics and sitting side-by-side when possible, but am not sure about catty-corner.)

Clothing suggestions for women: dress a touch feminine and if in work clothes take off your jacket and wear some color. For men: dress to match the venue.”

C: “Do you have any recommendations for local photographers for profile pictures?”

E: “I recommend having professional photos taken because people will not care as long as they look good. I have a photographer that I work with for my clients. The pictures should be taken outside or in a natural setting.”

C: “Do you have recommendations for specific DC area bars and cafes for dates?”

E: “I like both cafes and bars for dates but you shouldn’t choose generic ones. Northside Social, Chinatown Coffee, Busboys & Poets, The Wydown, and Tryst are good café choices. For drinks: Ardeo Bardeo (wine), City Taphouse (beer), and the Dignitary (whiskey — ask for Tom) are good choices.

C: What are some of your suggestions for second dates?

E: “Hiking, dog parks, H Street Country Club, Union Market, Eastern Market.”

C: “Are there taboo questions for dates?

E: “I don’t have overarching rules about this. It should come out organically.”

C: “What do you think about if a date goes well, asking for the next date on the current one?”

E: “I’m OK with that and he would say something like ‘I’d love to do this again; I’ll reach out tomorrow.’ This way he is not putting her on the spot and he does what he says he will (follows up tomorrow) which is a ‘win-win.’ If not interested, say ‘no’ and don’t just ignore.”

C: “What dating sites do you recommend?”

E: “For those who are more serious, use pay sites because people are more invested. If not particular about ethnicity or religion, try Match or Eharmony. Some good niche sites are Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Our Time (age 50+), Catholic Match, Jdate.” For free sites, OKCupid is good because they analyze their own data and are user friendly. The biggest apps are Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and JSwipe. Hinge uses Facebook connections and last names, which can be too much information.”


Note: I wrote this article for the August 28th edition of DC Life Magazine. It was a bit rushed because the deadline came out of nowhere.

Absolute Extrovert

ExtrovertWe have a question from an online newbie asking for help on how to get girls if you are an “absolute extrovert” and “not smooth.”

Here is my reply:

Those who are very Extroverted often have a steeper learning curve at the beginning but more than make up for it later on since they enjoy (and get energy from) talking to people (including groups).

Learn to control energy, breathing, rate of speech, filter, and body language, and learn to read body language really well to correct when things are going off track (based on her reactions). You also want to prepare some stories about yourself (that include positive qualities women look for in a man and not negativity) so that you have a basis for what you are going to say so you don’t verbally derail yourself or say inappropriate things in set. Extroverts “speak to think” instead of “think to speak.”

If you can get a hold of season 2 of the Pickup Artist, pay special attention to Simeon, because he is an extreme extrovert and you can follow his journey. He started out AS he opened groups of women (so wasn’t getting into the groups).

You need to approach a ton of women. Try the 1000 set challenge or one of those books (like Rules of the Game) that walk you through the whole game process with challenges every day. The more women you open and game through the process, the more social intelligent (and smoother) you will become.

You may even want a more experienced guy or a coach to watch your sets and tell you what he sees, since you may not be able to “see” what you are doing wrong as far as body language and approach.

For body language, read: Superflirt, Superdate, You Say More Than You think.


Is There a NEW Way to Open in Daygame?

This article is in response to this article: Daygame 101: A New Way to Open.

I wouldn’t say there is anything “new” here but it’s still worth a read. He is saying things that I’ve been saying and teaching forever, but also is a bit off on a few things. Yes, an approach should not feel like an approach to a woman, it should feel like it just happened (and look to people viewing the conversation like you already knew each other). Then they may if things go well -hello cognitive dissonance- women will feel that it was fate and if things go badly, they won’t.

As far as looking away and back. He should specify whether the eyes went sideways or down because there is a difference. Also, sometimes women look back after you or body scan when they think you aren’t looking looking so keep en eye out (pun intended).

It’s a shame he doesn’t give better examples for Indirect openers because the ones he gives (Excuse me…, and Where is the mall?) aren’t good, the former because it puts you in the frame of interrupting them, and the latter because it is close ended and obviously fake since your phone (GPS) can get you to the mall.

Direct approaches seems to contradict his desire not to startle women, so I’m curious as to whether the author even uses it or when/why.

As for as whether to choose direct and indirect approaches, it’s not as much about your style/vibe as it is how the woman responds to you, so you can use both types of approaches, at the correct times. But, when I say indirect, I mean indirect playful (like Wayne Elise talked about in the day) including possible teasing or banter. I write about direct vs. indirect approach styles here.


When and how to Open Direct (Day or Night Game)!

directI talked about approaching in my post about the Greenpeace Opener, including:

Don’t open with “excuse me” or “I know this is random but… .”

I often start with “Hey…” but you don’t always need to tack something in front of the opener. People use “I know this is random” with direct openers, but it minimizes the directness of the approach. So, either go direct or don’t, but don’t minimize a  direct approach. A direct approach SHOULD be direct by design. As far as “excuse me,” it puts you in the frame of having interrupted her like Greenpeace or other people asking for money…which often makes people become defensive. I know a people who open with “oh my god” and then the opener, and it’s fine.

What is a direct opener? A direct opener shows (sexual) interest in her from the beginning.


1) I saw you and I had to meet you.

2) You are f-ing Adorable!

3) You are the cutest/coolest woman here!

4) I’d kick myself if I didn’t come over and meet you.


1) You are clear in your intentions.

2) Extremely confident opener.

3) Saves time since you don’t waste time on girls that would have been no’s anyway.

4) You get occasional VERY strong positive responses.


1) Your blow out (hell no) rate is much higher than with an indirect playful opener.

2) You blow out with some women you could have done well with if  an indirect playful opener was used.

What do I mean by playful indirect? Open with humor, teasing or banter.

So, when should you use direct openers? If you are getting IOIs (Indications Of Interest, which in this case are body language interest/flirting signals), she is already attracted to you, so open direct. Otherwise, open indirect playful. This gives you a better chance with girls who already like you (with direct) and a better chance with girls who might need some attraction triggers (like humor) to decide. Some good body language books for IOIs are Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox.

In contrast, here are some indirect playful opener examples:

Crayola Kid (see the above link)

Some of the Pickup 101 Banter Deck cards are ok as openers. “Hey my eyes are up here” (if she looks at your pendant or shirt) is my favorite PU101 banter line.

I make ridiculous/funny accusations. Girls with laptops just outbid me on Ebay on fuzzy bunny slippers. Girls with cell phones are playing Angry Birds and “This is an Angry Birds free zone…there was an incident 2 months ago and it was ugly, but you can play Candy Crush.”

I ask for restaurants or menu items (or Starbucks drinks) that “don’t suck.” Or I ask for their 2nd favorite (whatever) and bust them on it…saying that was their favorite, but I want her 2nd favorite. She then qualified herself to me.

In a bar, I tell women who are trying to pass me that “I charge $1 each way, but maybe I’ll give you a round trip discount.” But, if she is drink or has to go to the bathroom badly…she may blow you out.


Blog Post on 50 Cheap Dates from Info Self Development

I’ll list the first few below but click here for Info Self Development‘s complete article. It was written by Tatiana Michelet, who is based in London.



Relationships are a challenge to maintain, and it is widely held that faithfully holding “Date Night” each week is a key to keeping those home fires burning.

These days, however, dating can definitely be a strain on the budget. Whether you are married or dating, there is no need to resort to sneaking into the movie house through the back door, or ordering Happy Meals and putting a candle on the table in the Play Place.

Here are some ideas for cheap dates that are fun and unique ways to spend some quality time together.


1 – Picnic

Don’t underestimate the charm of an old-fashioned picnic. All you need to pack is a blanket, a few sandwiches, and some sodas. For a more romantic feel, don’t forget the champagne glasses, a chilled bottle of bubbly, and chocolate-dipped strawberries for dessert. Be sure to scope out a good location ahead of time; you will want it to be at least partially secluded, unless it’s a first date. In that case, try a local park.


2 – Field Trip

Many museums and art galleries offer free or discounted admissions at least one day a month. It will just seem like providence if you happen to show up with your girl on one of these days. Museums offer a wide variety of things to explore, but art museums tend to be quieter, without so many children. There is something about strolling through quiet hallways and secluded areas that makes a girl want to be kissed.


3 – Exploring

There are many places in town you have never even seen, from ethnic neighborhoods, or an abandoned theme park, to the rooftop of your own building. Do a little snooping on your own to find some exciting possibilities. On the day of your date, pack a lunch, remind her to dress in comfortable shoes, and head out. Don’t forget the flashlight, and possibly a map.


4 – Theme Date

Quirky dates not only show you are imaginative, they can be inexpensive. Women love it when you put some thought into your dates, and this is a great way to impress. Try dressing up in western or old-fashioned clothing, and going out to a country bar with swing dancing. If you don’t know how to swing dance, find out which night they offer lessons, and make that your first theme date. Another idea is to dress in 50s style clothing and hit the local 50s style diner, order hand made milkshakes, or Colas in those little bottles. You’ll be having so much fun, your date won’t even notice it costs you less than $20.


5 – Dinner In

Offer to cook dinner for your date. The ability to cook is always desirable in a man, and eating in is much less expensive than going to a nice restaurant. This may be a little intimidating for a first date, but is definitely a go-to for a third or fourth date.


6 – Cooking Classes

Check to see if there is a culinary school near you, and whether they offer one-night classes. These are popular dates in many communities, and provide a way to get to know each other while having fun. This lines you up to try out your new cooking skills with Dinner In.


7 – Downstream with a Paddle

Cock Block & AMOG Defense

cock_block_by_akgaimer-d3ihft9Here is a the beginning of a longer question regarding cock blocks. Below it will be my response.

According to my friends I am the most cock blocked guy he has ever seen.

There are two types of cock blockers

  1. Hater gal pal who wants her friend to be as unhappy as she is
  2. Guy who likes the girl and is an orbiter

There are two cock blocking situations

  1. Cock blocking when you are in the process of opening/picking up
  2. Cock blocking after initial contact

-Cock Blocked


Dear Cock Blocked:

Some quick thoughts:

We call women who do this cock blocks, and men AMOGs (Alpha Male Of The Group).

– If you are running SOLID game and the girl is into you, she probably won’t let anyone pull her away or block you without giving you her number. I’ve had girls refuse to be pulled away and even tell their friends to go ahead (within the venue) and that she would catch up, or stop and give me their number. Work on your attraction game (including DHVs). You want her to LOOK like she is really into you because then her friends are less likely to interfere. This includes IOIs and body positioning.

– A lot of guys try to win the group over first so that the group doesn’t mess with you, although I probably do that without really thinking about it. So, I wouldn’t call it a conscious tactic of mine.

– Have you seen AMOG Battle on you tube by Asian Playboy? . It explains how to deal with guys (AMOGs) trying to take a girl from you. I was doing all of this prior to finding the video, but it is a good reference.

– Try using wings to occupy obstacles including potential cock blocks and AMOGs. Work body language reading skills, so that you can better read the situations you are in. That can often help you manage a problem before it happens (because you see it coming). Try reading Superflirt, Superdate, and You Say More Than You Think.

– BTW, Sometimes her friends block you because the girl in question has a boyfriend and it’s obvious that it is a pickup.


Discovering Knowledge on Listening and Taking Action

Editor’s note: Here is an article a long time friend and coaching partner of mine (Discovering Knowledge) has written for



As a hypnotist and dating coach, I have noticed a number of mistakes that men make when it comes to approaching, talking to and engaging women that they either want to date or seek a more permanent relationship with.

As an example, if you play poker, you know that much of the game is based on your starting cards, but they are not the only or even the most important part of the game.  You have to be aware of your opponent and be able to read the board and the opponent, and delete any extra information that is not of value to you.  At the same time, you want to use all of these things against your opponent.

Imagine the following: you are watching a poker game, the dealer hands out the cards and everyone but 2 players are out.  The dealer puts out the first 3 cards, the first player to act throws out a huge bet, and instantly the 2nd player announces a “raise,” which often means that the player raising feels he has a very strong hand.  The raise is made and the game continues.

The next card shows up, the same 2 players are still in and the first player again throws out a bigger bet than before and instantly, the 2nd player raises again.  At this point, the amount of the pot is very healthy and the final card show up.  The first player to act is down to his last 8,000 chips and throws out 3,000 (which is a respectable bet at this point) and again, the other player raises his bet to put the first player “all in” and possibly ending his tournament.

You can imagine the tension that the first player is under; he has been pushed from the flop, all the way to the final card.  He has a powerful/big hand, but now he is uncertain and the 2nd player acts on that. The 2nd players talks a big game and acts with confidence and certainty.

The first player throws out his hand in disgust and the hand, when paired with the board, was 3 queens and 2 fours.  In poker, this is called a full house and very few hands can beat it.

MEN, pay attention to this.  This is literally what you do when you are trying to get a woman to talk to you, give you her number, go out with you, giveyou a kiss and possible more.  You are behaving like the first player.  You have a very strong hand, but then you talk yourself out of it.  You start to wonder about her, why is she interested in you?   What if you saw a prettier woman?  What if…

Here is some advice that has worked with hundreds of men.  Once you focus on the value that you have and the needs of women, you have become the 2nd player in our example and you are no longer concerned about what the “dealer,” “the universe” and “life” throws your way.  You understand that you take your skills and use them.  Will you always win?  No.  Will you win more often than you are winning now?  Yes!

First:  Expect to win!  Here is a secret that few men act on.

Women who want men, like men.

If you were not aware of this fact, go back and reread it.  You have a huge advantage in that women like you, not just as the person that you are, but simply because you are a man and they crave that male energy.  I don’t mean this “like” the way men are sexually focused on women.  Women really want to know you, get what you are about, why you act this way or how you feel about this or that.  This is part of why women drive men crazy with wanting to talk.  They need to get more of what they like, sound familiar?

Second:  Have something to share from your life.

I know that you have access to books and vids that are full of “openers” and “negs” and much more.  When you memorize lines and don’t add your personal energy to them, they come across as lines.  Cuisine and I have been teaching men how to use “themes” of attraction to have the stories of your life ready to share with the women you are interested in.

I use hypnotic language patterns.  These are secret patterns that have been used/banned in some areas because of how powerful they can be when used correctly.  Bill Clinton, Barak Obama and many politicians use these types of patterns in their speeches because they work and they control the masses.  You too, can now learn and use these types of patterns to create the intimacy, connection and hopefully a long lasting romance.  Please don’t expect you to have this information available to you, unless you take one my workshops, classes or become a private client.


Listen, listen, listen.  It’s not what you say that will get you the date, it’s how well you listen to her.  One of the most annoying characteristics of humans is the ability to hear a person’s name and instantly forget it.  How do you feel when you tell someone your name and they start calling you “bud” or “friend” or some other word that says, “I forgot your name and don’t care enough to ask you to repeat it”?  When she tells you details about her life and you don’t hear them or you simply forget them, she will feel most likely feel that you are just trying to manipulate her or worse.

Remember this the next time you are talking to a woman, listen.  She might just go out with you simply because you listened.  By the way, listening is done with your ears, your eyes and your body.  Pay attention to any hints or suggestions your intuition throws your way.  If you feel the moment to hold her hand is there, go for it.  If you want to ask for her number, do it.

To finish the poker story, the 2nd player never showed his hand but announced that he had a “king high” which if it was accurate, was a loosing hand all the way from the start.  When you start the conversation, you already have a strong hand.  It is up to you to either close the deal or allow the fear of the “what ifs” to keep you from the happiness and the woman you deserve.

The only way you can take a random conversation from a meeting to a relationship is to listen and take action!  Your most powerful asset as a man is your ability to be competitive and go for what you want.  Most women crave that in the man they will eventually give themselves to.

You can reach me at with any questions or to clarify any of the information above.

Oscar (AKA Discovering Knowledge)
Hypnotist and Dating Coach

Audio Podcast I did with PUA Spots

Here is an audio podcast I did with Jonathan of PUA Spots. I talk about gaming in DC and give some tips. Jonathan has also done podcasts with Artisan (Las Vegas) and Speer (Miami).


A Metro Approach 3 Years Ago (How I Met My Girlfriend)

Love-TrainI’ve been dating my G/F for over three years, and people often ask how we met. If they are in the game, they ask how the approach went. So here it is:

10am on a Sunday morning I was on my way to the Dupont Farmer’s Market. A girl sat across from me (in front of me)  in the train and started reading a magazine (TVFN). I opened by asking her if the magazine was any good or just an advertisement for Bobby Flay. I would have opened the set regardless, but it was nice to have a prop, especially one related to my identity (food).

I had to do even more talking and drawing the woman out than usual, and screening tools (What do you look for in a man?) did not work (she told me it was cheating), but that has to do with the girl in particular. A lot of game that works for me did not work with her (like with Style’s G/F in the book, The Game) but I recognized that there is a difference between disinterest and “not yet interested” (there were no physical IOIs since she is shy)…and kept going. Also, since I was seated across from her…there was no kino in the train itself.”

We were going to different farmers markets, so I got her to come with me to mine. I even knew one of the women selling us vegetables. I then bounced her to lunch…to a place that a (female) publicist had been trying to get me to try. I have a ethnic/cultural link to the restaurant.

In total, I was with her 2.5 hours on this initial meeting. I got her out the following Sunday (a week later).