Editor’s note: Here is an article a long time friend and coaching partner of mine (Discovering Knowledge) has written for Daygamer.net.
As a hypnotist and dating coach, I have noticed a number of mistakes that men make when it comes to approaching, talking to and engaging women that they either want to date or seek a more permanent relationship with.
As an example, if you play poker, you know that much of the game is based on your starting cards, but they are not the only or even the most important part of the game. You have to be aware of your opponent and be able to read the board and the opponent, and delete any extra information that is not of value to you. At the same time, you want to use all of these things against your opponent.
Imagine the following: you are watching a poker game, the dealer hands out the cards and everyone but 2 players are out. The dealer puts out the first 3 cards, the first player to act throws out a huge bet, and instantly the 2nd player announces a “raise,” which often means that the player raising feels he has a very strong hand. The raise is made and the game continues.
The next card shows up, the same 2 players are still in and the first player again throws out a bigger bet than before and instantly, the 2nd player raises again. At this point, the amount of the pot is very healthy and the final card show up. The first player to act is down to his last 8,000 chips and throws out 3,000 (which is a respectable bet at this point) and again, the other player raises his bet to put the first player “all in” and possibly ending his tournament.
You can imagine the tension that the first player is under; he has been pushed from the flop, all the way to the final card. He has a powerful/big hand, but now he is uncertain and the 2nd player acts on that. The 2nd players talks a big game and acts with confidence and certainty.
The first player throws out his hand in disgust and the hand, when paired with the board, was 3 queens and 2 fours. In poker, this is called a full house and very few hands can beat it.
MEN, pay attention to this. This is literally what you do when you are trying to get a woman to talk to you, give you her number, go out with you, giveyou a kiss and possible more. You are behaving like the first player. You have a very strong hand, but then you talk yourself out of it. You start to wonder about her, why is she interested in you? What if you saw a prettier woman? What if…
Here is some advice that has worked with hundreds of men. Once you focus on the value that you have and the needs of women, you have become the 2nd player in our example and you are no longer concerned about what the “dealer,” “the universe” and “life” throws your way. You understand that you take your skills and use them. Will you always win? No. Will you win more often than you are winning now? Yes!
First: Expect to win! Here is a secret that few men act on.
Women who want men, like men.
If you were not aware of this fact, go back and reread it. You have a huge advantage in that women like you, not just as the person that you are, but simply because you are a man and they crave that male energy. I don’t mean this “like” the way men are sexually focused on women. Women really want to know you, get what you are about, why you act this way or how you feel about this or that. This is part of why women drive men crazy with wanting to talk. They need to get more of what they like, sound familiar?
Second: Have something to share from your life.
I know that you have access to books and vids that are full of “openers” and “negs” and much more. When you memorize lines and don’t add your personal energy to them, they come across as lines. Cuisine and I have been teaching men how to use “themes” of attraction to have the stories of your life ready to share with the women you are interested in.
I use hypnotic language patterns. These are secret patterns that have been used/banned in some areas because of how powerful they can be when used correctly. Bill Clinton, Barak Obama and many politicians use these types of patterns in their speeches because they work and they control the masses. You too, can now learn and use these types of patterns to create the intimacy, connection and hopefully a long lasting romance. Please don’t expect you to have this information available to you, unless you take one my workshops, classes or become a private client.
Listen, listen, listen. It’s not what you say that will get you the date, it’s how well you listen to her. One of the most annoying characteristics of humans is the ability to hear a person’s name and instantly forget it. How do you feel when you tell someone your name and they start calling you “bud” or “friend” or some other word that says, “I forgot your name and don’t care enough to ask you to repeat it”? When she tells you details about her life and you don’t hear them or you simply forget them, she will feel most likely feel that you are just trying to manipulate her or worse.
Remember this the next time you are talking to a woman, listen. She might just go out with you simply because you listened. By the way, listening is done with your ears, your eyes and your body. Pay attention to any hints or suggestions your intuition throws your way. If you feel the moment to hold her hand is there, go for it. If you want to ask for her number, do it.
To finish the poker story, the 2nd player never showed his hand but announced that he had a “king high” which if it was accurate, was a loosing hand all the way from the start. When you start the conversation, you already have a strong hand. It is up to you to either close the deal or allow the fear of the “what ifs” to keep you from the happiness and the woman you deserve.
The only way you can take a random conversation from a meeting to a relationship is to listen and take action! Your most powerful asset as a man is your ability to be competitive and go for what you want. Most women crave that in the man they will eventually give themselves to.
You can reach me at email@example.com with any questions or to clarify any of the information above.
Oscar (AKA Discovering Knowledge)
Hypnotist and Dating Coach